


Straight Shooting

by jensenisafallenangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Cas with Tattoos, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Closeted Dean Winchester, College Parties, Coming In Pants, Coming Out, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester Has a Panty Kink, Dean Winchester Makes Mistakes, Dean is a sap, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, First Dates, First Love, First Time, Frottage, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Intense Situation, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Philosophy, Punk Castiel/Nerd Dean Winchester, Resolved Sexual Tension, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Underage Drinking, cas is a punk into philosophy, college students, dean blushes a lot around cas, dean won't admit his feelings, philosophy class, very closeted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:17:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19286086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensenisafallenangel/pseuds/jensenisafallenangel
Summary: Dean has always gotten straight A's, walked a straight line to stay out of trouble and been in straight relationships.Then, he goes to college and meets Cas.The blue-haired, pierced-lip punk of a philosophy major turns Dean's straight as an arrow life upside down from the first time they meet with his innuendos and inherent ability to make Dean blush.





	1. New Beginnings

Dean walked to his first class of college and only freaked out a little, if by a little he meant a lot. He held his backpack straps tighter as he approached the massive building.

He walked in, shuffled along by the crowd, and went to the classroom he already knew how to find. He spent the day before locating all of his classrooms so he wouldn’t be late. It didn’t look much different from a high school classroom which helped Dean relax. 

Choosing a seat in the front row, Dean sat a notebook down on the desk and straightened it out before digging around in his backpack for a pen. He found one and twirled it in his hand, thinking about his father. They had a vicious fight before he left for school and Dean regretted most of what he had said.

College never seemed like it was in the cards for him and he was sure he would end up dropping out, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. He had a father to prove wrong and a younger brother to set an example for.

“Hi,” a voice said next to him, a welcome interruption to his thoughts.

Dean looked over at the redheaded girl who was sitting at the desk to him. “Vivacious,” came to mind as he took in her loud clothes, bright colors and patterns scattered all over, and her wide smile.

“Hi,” Dean greeted, eyes wide at her overall boldness.

“I saw your shirt and thought you would be the best person to sit next to,” the girl said. “I’m Charlie by the way.”

“Oh. Thanks,” Dean said, appreciating the compliment of his Star Wars shirt. “I’m Dean.”

She smiled and got out her laptop, a sleek, new one that had Dean raising his eyebrows.

Charlie looked like she was going to say something about it but then the professor, a middle-aged brunette woman, breezed into the room. 

“I’m Ellen Harvelle and this is Econ 101,” the professor said as she settled in at her desk. “If that doesn’t sound like where you’re supposed to be, there’s the door.”

Dean cracked a smile and liked her immediately. She had a stern look about her, but Dean guessed she was a softie if you stayed on her good side.

The rest of the class was about what Dean expected, going over the syllabus and requirements for the class. It didn’t seem impossible and Dean let out a sigh of relief. As long as he stayed focused, he could handle college.

Afterwards, Charlie gave him a wave and said she would see him the next time they had class. Dean could tell they would be fast friends and looked forward to it.

 

A week later, Charlie asked Dean if he wanted to work on their homework after class. Dean admitted they would need to go to the library since he didn’t have his own laptop.

“Oh, that’s fine,” she said, “you can rent one at the front desk and then I know a great spot we can study at on the second floor.”

“Cool,” Dean said, glad she didn’t ask why he didn’t have a laptop. 

He left the family laptop at home, so his brother could do his homework for high school and hope to get a similar scholarship Dean had received. Sam, his brother, kept telling him he was smart. The scholarship helped Dean almost believe him.

They worked on their Econ homework until they finished and then Charlie suggested they grab some food. He already found Charlie to be like a sister to him and wanted to clarify that.

“I, uh…I mean, sure,” Dean said. “But as…”

“Friends,” Charlie said, giving Dean a funny look. “Have you not noticed my crazy amount of rainbow stuff?”

Dean remembered seeing a rainbow sticker on her laptop the first day they met, a pin on her backpack and a shirt she wore once…

“Oh,” Dean said, feeling dumb, “you’re, um, I mean…”

“Gay,” Charlie clarified.

Dean didn’t say anything as he shifted awkwardly in his seat. He never had a friend who wasn’t straight, and he wasn’t sure of the right thing to say. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his new friend.

“Is that a problem?” she asked, eyes narrowed a little.

She looked fierce despite being shorter than Dean and somewhat scrawny.

“No, no,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just never, I don’t know…I never met a…”

“We’re not unicorns, man,” Charlie said, laughing at Dean’s stammering. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, it really isn’t a problem, I’m just from a small town and no one was out. If there were any who were, you know. Gay,” Dean said, rambling on to cover his awkwardness.

“Oh, I’m sure there were some,” Charlie said with a wink. “There always are.”

Dean sighed in relief as the tension seemed to pass. They finished packing up and Charlie hurried him, saying she was starving. Dean heard his own stomach growl.

“You mind if a friend joins?” she said, looking at her phone as they walked out of the library.

“Not at all, sounds fun,” Dean answered with a forced smile.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like meeting new people, he did, it was that people didn’t always like meeting him. Dean knew he was nerdy and didn’t want to be made fun of for it, but he figured if it was a friend of Charlie’s, they had to be nerdy too.

They walked into the tiny on-campus café and ordered chicken tenders and curly fries. As they waited for their food, Charlie waved at a guy who walked in and got in line to order.

“That’s Benny,” she said to Dean. “I met him in my English class and I think you two will get along. He digs Tolkien.”

They all sat down after introductions were made and dug in.

“Benny here is a hotel and restaurant management major,” Charlie guided the conversation, “he wants to run his own restaurant someday, somewhere warm.”

“Yeah, well, food is about all my family and I can agree on,” Benny said with a smile. “And I can’t stand winter.”

He had an accent Dean figured as Southern and gentle blue eyes. Dean looked down at the fry he dragged through some ketchup, confused. He never noticed guys’ eye color before. Or their stubble.

“Dean?” Charlie asked.

“What?” he asked, looking between her and Benny.

“I asked your major,” Benny said, nice smile still in place.

“Oh, I, uh, haven’t picked one yet,” Dean said, eyes dropping back to his plate.

“Me neither, dude!” Charlie said, punching Dean in the arm. “But I’ll probably pick something with technology, computers are my jam.”

“What do you like?” Benny asked.

“Uh, engineering maybe. Or maybe criminal justice,” Dean answered. “My dad thinks I should pick one of those if I insist on doing college and then join the Marines like him.”

“Okay,” Benny said with a low chuckle. “But what about you?”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked after he swallowed a mouthful of chicken.

“What do you want?” Benny rephrased.

Dean didn’t really think about that before and an answer didn’t come to him. He always cared what his dad wanted or what his brother needed. There hadn’t been a whole lot of time for what Dean wanted, except that he wanted to go to college. Before she died, his mom had made it clear she wanted her boys to go.

Before he could answer, a rowdy group came into the café. They seemed to be led by a guy with dark hair, dyed blue at the tips, with a lip piercing and tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his black T-shirt. He was kind of far away, but Dean swore he wore eyeliner.

Dean hadn’t realized he had been staring until the guy looked right at him. He felt his cheeks get red but couldn’t look away. The group continued to cause a ruckus while ordering their food. 

“Let’s go,” Benny said, snapping Dean out of it.

Dean followed them to throw out their garbage, still trying to regain composure after what happened. The guy seemed to look right through to his soul and Dean had never felt anything quite like it. The guy…

" _Shit_ , Dean thought. _Snap out of it, Winchester. It was just some guy. A guy._

“Dean?” Charlie asked. 

“Yeah?” he asked, realizing he had followed her and Benny out of the café and down the sidewalk. 

“We’re headed home,” Charlie said, throwing her arms around him. “See you in class!”

“Bye,” Dean said, accepting her hug.

“Good to meet you,” Benny said, shaking Dean’s hand.

“Yeah, uh, you too,” Dean said before clearing his throat.

Dean walked back to his dorm in somewhat of a daze, still thinking of the guy in the café. It didn’t make sense; the man was very much a man and Dean was straight. He told himself the guy was intriguing, that was all. He had tattoos for goodness sake, of course Dean stared a little. No one in his tiny hometown had those and no man there would dare wear makeup. And the whole group made a lot of noise, so Dean’s attention had been drawn like everyone else in the place. 

In his room, he flopped backwards onto his bed. 

He draped an arm over his eyes and wished he turned the light off. He seriously needed a nap after the day he had. First, he assumed Charlie was into him. He had to be an idiot to miss that she was a lesbian.

_Gay or not, not every woman is automatically into you,_ Dean thought bitterly. _What’s so great about you anyways?_

And then whatever the deal was with Benny and the mystery man.

If Dean was honest with himself, a rare occurrence, a male figure may have been the focus of a sex dream once or twice. Perhaps he paid a little more attention to the guy than the girl in a porno every once in a while. He definitely wasn’t gay just because he could appreciate a good-looking guy. And the noises he made. It didn’t mean anything.

He got up with a groan and worked on homework instead of having an identity crisis. There wasn’t anything more to think about, he was straight. End of story.

 

Over the next few weeks, Dean hung out with Charlie and Benny more often. They really grew on him and he was right about how nerdy Benny was, meshing well with Charlie and Dean’s nerdiness. Dean appreciated how hard they worked too, and they studied a lot in the library. If he hoped not to drop out, he needed friends who took school as seriously as he did.

Charlie, excellent with computers, always helped Dean when the ancient one he rented from the library acted up or didn’t save his work before crashing. Benny usually provided snacks for their study sessions and always complained he didn’t have a real kitchen to cook in.

One afternoon, the unruly group Dean saw in the café came into the library and were just as loud as before. It didn’t make sense to Dean why they came to the library if they were just going to make a scene and plenty of people already seemed annoyed by them.

Dean stared at the same guy as before but then he stared back, and Dean didn’t know what to do.

“Hey,” Charlie said, snapping in front of his face.

“What?” he asked, looking away from the guy as they sat at a table.

“I asked if we should move,” Benny said.

“No,” Dean said, glancing at the guy with the messy hair and leather jacket. “It’s fine.”

When he looked up, Dean snapped his eyes back to his book and felt his cheeks get warm. Dean didn’t know why he affected him so much and tried to focus on his homework. It was a stranger, he didn’t even know his na…

“Stupid Cas,” Charlie said, bringing Dean back into the conversation.

“Who?” Dean asked, still very much distracted.

“Cas,” Benny said, “is the guy with the blue hair.”

“Oh,” Dean replied, barely managing to not peek over. He was definitely curious what Cas was short for.

“He, Balthazar and Gabriel and the others rent a house nearby,” Charlie explained. “They always throw insane parties. Didn’t you go the first night we all moved in?”

“I actually just unpacked and then Skyped my brother,” Dean said.

“It was a crazy party,” Benny said. “They’re all juniors. Or sophomores? Not sure. They like a certain air of mystery.”

The sarcastic way Benny talked about the group led Dean to believe he didn’t care for them much. Dean understood, they were obnoxious.

“I don’t get why they have to be so noisy all the time,” Charlie grumbled, echoing Benny’s distaste. “It’s a library, damn it.”

Dean could tell other groups in the library felt the same way from their scowls and the few that moved tables. Charlie had a point, they were being rude, and he lost focus.

The three of them called it a day when Cas’s group laughed uproariously for the umpteenth time. Charlie shot a glare their way Dean decided he never wanted to be on the receiving end of, but the assholes didn’t notice.

 

The following weekend, Dean was invited to a party by his roommate.

“I don’t know, Victor,” Dean had said. “I really should study.”

“Dean,” Victor had answered, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It is a Saturday and we’re in college. We’re going out.”

“Dude…”

“We’re young! Good-looking!” Victor argued. “We should have fun!”

Dean reluctantly agreed, ignoring the good-looking comment. He didn’t need to think about his roommate’s good looks because he didn’t notice those. For an added buffer, Dean invited Charlie and Benny. What Dean didn’t know, and neither did the two of them, was that Victor had invited them to one of Cas’s parties.

“Really?” Charlie asked, rolling her eyes as she noticed which house Victor led them to.

“What?” Victor said as they walked up. “They throw great parties and pretty much the only other option is the fraternities.”

“Pass,” Benny decided and they all agreed. Those were full of horny frat guys and desperate girls with too much makeup.

The party was crowded, and Dean wished he stayed in. Sweatpants sounded so much better than jeans but at least there was free albeit cheap beer. 

The living room and dining room flowed together giving the party guests enough room to dance to the thudding music, a song Dean didn’t recognize. Dean noticed a couple of Cas’s friends milling about and was going to ask Charlie if she knew their names but when he looked, she was already deep in conversation with an attractive girl.

Dean smiled a little and wished he had her confidence in talking to women. He did okay in high school, but flirting had never come naturally to him despite his best efforts.

Benny walked into the kitchen to grab beers for the three guys. Victor waved at a friend and wandered off, leaving Dean alone. He stood awkwardly and refrained from checking his phone.

Then he spotted Cas.

Cas danced amongst two of the girls Dean had seen hanging around him before. As much as Dean wanted to, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Cas’s black jeans were tight, and his hips swung confidently, his eyes half-closed and a bottle of vodka in his hand. He had never seen anyone move like that, like he didn’t care if people watched but knew they were at the same time. 

He sipped from the bottle, tantalizing lips wrapping around the top. Dean stared, cheeks heating up, and felt his dick getting hard, confusing the hell out of him. This guy was a guy, damn it, obvious from the outline in the front of his pants. Dean needed a beer and Benny must have gotten sidetracked on his way to get them.

_What the hell was that?_ Dean snapped at himself in a thankfully empty kitchen, swiftly downing a beer. 

He shifted his jeans around and willed his traitorous dick to calm down, lying to himself that the girls next to Cas turned him on but he knew he didn’t look at them at all. Dean didn’t know what was going on. 

His whole life, he had only been with girls, only wanted girls. His whole town, even his own father, made it clear that was the only option. They thought men who were into other men were less and Dean couldn’t have his father see him like that. The kitchen seemed to shrink around him and he needed some space.

Dean hurried out to the porch and took deep breaths of the hot September air before he realized someone leaned on the railing having a cigarette.

It was Cas and Dean felt his mouth go dry, his heart beat faster. He didn’t know if he should say hi, scurry back inside or make a lame comment like, “cool party.” Dean luckily didn’t have to do any of those as Cas spoke first.

“Smoke?” Cas asked, gesturing at the pack resting next to his elbow.

“What?” Dean answered, brain not catching up to the question.

“Do you smoke?” Cas rephrased, smug smile pulling at his lips.

The same lips that wrapped around the vodka bottle and could wrap around other things…

“No,” Dean said, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Why do you?”

He couldn’t help but ask since he found the habit a little gross. Cas’s smile just grew wider.

“‘Liberty consists in doing what one desires,’” Cas said, drawing a long puff on his cigarette.

Dean was at a loss for words and gave Cas a funny look.

“John Stuart Mill?” Cas asked with a sort of bemused grin.

Dean shrugged. 

“Must not be into philosophy,” Cas said, returning a shrug of his own. 

One of Dean’s classes was Intro to Philosophy, but they hadn’t gone in-depth yet. 

“Why’d you follow me out here?”

“What?” Dean asked, blush flaring up again. “I didn’t.”

He stared at Cas, still leaning against the railing, looking confident and sexy…

Dean looked away at that thought then glowered at Cas. He did **not** think a guy was sexy. A guy who was staring back just as hard as he was and looking like he didn’t believe Dean.

“Sure,” Cas smirked, “and you weren’t watching me dance.”

“I… I wasn’t… why would I…” Dean stammered, hating how this guy made him lose his cool. “I didn’t.”

“Okay,” Cas said, letting out a puff of smoke.

“I’m straight though, so,” Dean tried, not sounding as confident as he meant to.

“Okay,” Cas said again, sounding like he didn’t buy it.

“I, uh,” Dean said, backing up into a potted plant on the porch. “I have to go.”

Dean scampered down the stairs, blush hot enough to reach his ears.

“Bye Dean Winchester,” Cas called after Dean who pointedly did not look back.

He fumed, getting angrier with each step that this smug asshole thought he knew everything about Dean after meeting him once. Thought he had Dean figured out, thought he was so sexy.

_Fuck_ , Dean thought, _there’s that word again._

A text to Charlie, Benny and Victor let them know he didn’t feel good and walked home. They answered to say to let them know when he made it back after he assured them they should stay and enjoy themselves. Charlie sent back a winking emoji and Dean knew she would find fun.

It took Dean almost the entire walk to realize Cas knew his name without Dean telling him, meaning he had to have asked someone.


	2. One on One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean can only avoid Cas for so long...

September was ending, and Dean had successfully avoided Cas. Despite being a midsize university, it wasn’t easy. If he and his group were in the library, Dean would suggest a different floor than them to study. If they were in the café, Dean would say he forgot something or wasn’t that hungry after all and head back to his dorm. 

Until one day, he had no choice but to see him.

“Class,” Dean’s Intro to Philosophy professor addressed them, “we have a new teacher’s assistant. Everyone, this is Cas Novak.”

Dean, who had been digging in his backpack, just about fell out of his chair in the crowded lecture hall. Cas stood there, confident as always, wearing tight jeans and a plain black T-shirt. His blue eyes, brighter with eyeliner, looked around the room and met Dean’s, lingering before moving on. Dean swallowed, hard, and felt the room get warmer.

“Care to tell us about yourself?” the professor asked.

“No thanks, Dr. Mills,” Cas answered. “I’ll just stick to my T.A business and helping these bright-eyed young freshmen.”

Some students murmured to their friends next to them about the bold new T.A. Mills didn’t seem to have a response, shook her head, and continued with her lecture.

Once class ended, Dean hurried to stuff all of his things into his backpack and rush out before…

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean looked down at Cas standing in the row in front of him in the stadium-style seating.

“Uh, hi,” Dean said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“It’s going to be a little harder to avoid me now, isn’t it?” Cas asked with a confident grin.

“What do you mean?” Dean played dumb, looking at the lip piercing Cas wore, and not his lips. Definitely not his lips.

Cas laughed. Dean didn’t bother to dwell on the leap his stomach made at the sound.

“Okay, we can do it that way,” Cas said, still grinning slightly.

He pulled a candy sucker out of his pocket, unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth. Dean stared as Cas slid his lips around it and felt his dick give an unwanted twitch. Cas smirked around the sugary treat like he knew exactly what he was doing.

The hall was emptying, and Dean really needed to get to another class, but he stayed. He tried not to think too hard about why he did.

“You know, I could help tutor you. One on one,” Cas said.

“What makes you say I need tutoring?” Dean replied defiantly, ignoring the suggestiveness of Cas’s tone.

“You didn’t know John Stuart Mill,” Cas explained, sucker hanging from the side of his mouth. “I’m sure there’s a lot more you don’t know.”

“I know plenty, believe me,” Dean snapped.

Cas raised his hands in surrender before pulling the sucker out his mouth with a pop. Dean remembered the vodka bottle and the cigarette and now the sucker and spoke without thinking.

“Do you always have to have something in your mouth?” Dean asked, regretting it instantly.

Cas looked Dean up and down, making him squirm, his lips slightly parted as he raked his eyes over him.

“Maybe. Why, are you offering something better than a sucker?” Cas asked, innuendo clear.

Dean’s jaw dropped, and his cheeks flamed with a seriously embarrassing blush. Cas waited patiently for an answer, a look of innocence like he didn’t just ask Dean such a question, sucking away on his candy.

“I, I have another class. To go to,” Dean stammered, not giving Cas an answer since he didn’t trust himself not to say yes to his question. 

He began to back away, bumping into a desk as he went before turning and hurrying away.

“Bye, Dean,” Cas called after him, amusement clear in his voice.

Dean didn’t look back, just kept going. 

He was useless in his next class, mind cluttered with images of Cas with things in his mouth. A bottle, a smoke, Dean’s dick…

Dean snapped back to reality and shook that mental image away. Sure, Cas had nice lips and knew how to use his mouth, but Dean didn’t want it on him.

 _Yes, I do_ , the smarter side of Dean’s brain chimed in.

Maybe he did. Not that it would ever happen. Dean wasn’t special, and Cas wouldn’t waste his time with someone like Dean. Someone who couldn’t even walk around the self-assured Cas without bumping into something or stammering like an idiot. He would move on from whatever game he was playing soon enough. Then, Dean could focus on school, maybe meet a nice girl. Things could go back to normal.

And if later Dean jerked off in the shower thinking of Cas’s mouth on his cock, no one had to know.

 

Not only could Dean not focus in his Intro to Philosophy class now that Cas was his T.A., but he found it hard to focus in other classes as well. Every day, all he could think about was how Cas looked earlier or what he said to the class or…

“Mr. Winchester?” 

“Yes, Dr. Harvelle?”

“I asked you a question.”

“Uh…”

Dr. Harvelle asked him the question again and Dean fumbled his way through an answer. He could tell by her expression she wasn’t thrilled by his response and he hated to disappoint her. She wasn’t in the habit of letting her students slack off.

“What was that?” Charlie asked when they walked out of class.

“Nothing, I just spaced out for a second,” Dean said with a shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you sure it isn’t? That’s not like you,” Charlie said.

“It happens. I have a lot on my mind, that’s all,” Dean explained, trying hard not to snap. It wasn’t her fault he was going through some shit.

She gave him a doubtful expression but dropped the subject.

 

Two days later, Dean’s philosophy class did some small group work and Cas walked around to answer any questions. Dean put all his focus into not looking at Cas strutting around. Finally, he strolled around to their cluster.

“How’s the group doing?” Cas asked, eyes only on Dean who shifted in his seat.

“Fine,” a girl in the group answered.

Dean didn’t have anything to say and Cas gave him a small smile before walking away.

“What’s going on there?” the girl next to him said so only Dean could hear.

“What do you mean, Meg?” Dean asked.

“He’s totally into you,” she said.

He kept his face as neutral as possible, tried to be indifferent as he refrained from asking if she was sure. 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m not into dudes,” Dean said, ignoring the voice in his head reminding him how he jerked off thinking about Cas and how his dick seemed to be interested. 

“Not even that one? Are you blind?” Meg pressed.

“No,” Dean reiterated. “Not even that one.”

She shrugged, and they got back to work.

 

After classes for the day, Dean gave his brother a call.

“Dean!” Sam answered. “Hey! What’s up?”

“Not much, just calling to say hi. How’s school?”

“Fine! All A’s so far,” Sam bragged.

“Of course,” Dean commented.

“How’s college? Do anything crazy yet?” Sam asked.

“No, just boring stuff,” Dean said, almost wishing he had a cool story for Sam.

“Meet any girls?” Sam wanted to know.

“No, no girls,” Dean said, toeing the line between a lie and the truth. He certainly had met someone, but they were definitely not a girl.

“Too busy with studying?” Sam teased.

“Yup,” Dean said.

“Nerd.”

“Takes one to know one,” Dean replied, and they shared a laugh.

They made more small talk before Sam had to go. Good-byes were said with a promise of talking soon and Dean crashed on his bed when he made it back to his dorm.

He hated lying to his brother more than anything else, the two of them had always been a team against the world. But this was hard to share. He couldn’t shatter the image of the Dean that Sam always knew. The words weren’t there yet. His stomach knotted up like it did when he lied but he just wasn’t ready with a label for himself. 

With a sigh, he got up and went to meet his friends for dinner. More people to lie to.

 

After midterms in October, Dean wasn’t thrilled with his grades. Particularly, the C he had gotten on his Intro to Philosophy test. With great reluctance, he turned to the one guy who could help.

“Cas, hey, wait up,” Dean said as Cas walked out of the lecture hall after class.

“Dean,” Cas said, crossing his arms.

“I need your help,” Dean admitted.

For once, Cas almost seemed taken aback and had to think about his response. Dean didn’t have time to enjoy it since he had another class to get to, but it was entertaining to watch the consistently suave Cas take pause.

“Really,” Cas stated simply.

“Yeah, my midterm…”

“I know,” Cas answered.

“You know?”

“I graded it,” Cas said, almost smiling.

“So…”

Cas raised his eyebrows, waiting for Dean to continue. The guy really was a cocky son of a bitch, but Dean needed his help.

“You’re really gonna make me say it?” Dean said with a huge sigh.

Cas kept his eyebrows raised.

“Fine, you win. I need you to tutor me,” Dean said, barely restraining from snapping.

“Your groveling needs some work but fine, I’ll help you,” Cas agreed.

“My groveling?” Dean asked, dumbfounded.

Cas’s eyes roamed over Dean’s body, making him shift from foot to foot. He really seemed to like making Dean squirm and it was almost getting annoying except for the fact that it also made Dean a little bit hot all over.

“I would have preferred kneeling and begging,” Cas said, before his face split into a shit-eating grin.

“Oh my God,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. 

Dean willed his dick not to get hard thinking about it, but it was too easy to picture. Dean on his knees with Cas ready to fuck his mouth and Dean begging him to do it, eager to please. His dick twitched before he shook the mental image away.

He turned to go and forget he ever asked, and forget what he pictured, but Cas grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Sorry, sorry,” Cas said like he wasn’t sorry at all, “meet me at my house tomorrow when you’re done with class and we’ll get to work.”

“Okay,” Dean said, staring at their hands.

Cas held Dean’s hand a little longer than he needed to and then walked off.

“Shit,” Dean said out loud when Cas turned a corner, staring at the hand Cas held.

For all of Cas’s flirting, he had never touched Dean before. Dean could still feel his hand, warm and sure. If he couldn’t even keep his shit together right outside a classroom, how was Dean going to be cool alone with him at his house?

 

Dean almost didn’t go. He paced in his dorm room for an hour after class worrying about what would happen. Being alone with Cas was the scariest and most exciting thing to happen to him so far at college and it made his hands sweat.

Okay, Dean thought as he walked towards Cas’s house and wiped his hands on his jeans. _Just go study. You need to boost this grade. Think of what Dad would say if he knew you got a C…_

That thought was enough to ground Dean and remind him of the seriousness of his situation. If his grades sucked, he would lose his scholarship. Without it, he couldn’t afford school and would have to go home and admit to his father that he had been right all along, that Dean couldn’t handle college. He was a grunt made for the military, just like his old man.

With a new determination to get cracking on philosophy, he marched up to the door of Cas’s house and knocked. After a few minutes, it opened, and Cas stood there in nothing but thin gray sweatpants that left little to the imagination. He looked like he just woke up.

“Uh,” Dean said intelligently.

His brain lost the ability to think of anything except Cas’s tan and surprisingly muscular body. The sweatpants were low and sharp hip bones decorated with more tattoos jutted out from them and Dean wanted to kiss them, maybe lick them and then move towards the obvious outline of Cas’s…

“Shit, sorry, is it that late already?” Cas said before yawning.

Dean snapped out of his extremely inappropriate train of thought to take in Cas’s bedhead, which just brought the dirty thoughts right back.

 _Everything about him screams sex,_ Dean thought.

“Yes, it’s after class,” Dean said, harsher than he meant since Cas was frustrating him in several ways. “How were you still asleep?”

“I didn’t have class today and had a late night yesterday,” Cas answered, smirking as he seemed to remember the details. 

He stretched, arms above his head, and his sweatpants slipped a little to show just a hint of pubic hair. The guy didn’t even have any underwear on, and Dean guessed that he probably slept naked. Okay, maybe the right word was hoped.

“Mind getting dressed?” Dean snapped, choosing hostility instead of staring and blushing some more.

Cas just shrugged and went towards the stairs. Dean tried and failed to not stare at his ass as he walked up.

“Come on in, make yourself comfortable,” Cas called over his shoulder.

Dean sat on a couch and pulled his book and notebook out, plus the midterm Cas had graded. It was clear that the house was lived in by college kids, even without people currently partying. There were empty beer cans scattered about and the furniture was all second hand. A good dusting wouldn’t have hurt either.

After a couple minutes, Cas came down and had a T-shirt on with the same low-slung sweatpants. He probably didn’t have time to put underwear on under them…

“So,” Dean said, interrupting his own thoughts. “I hoped we could go over my midterm and you could help me with the stuff I got wrong.”

“Sure,” Cas said. 

He sat on the couch with a respectable distance between them, throwing his hands behind his head and plopping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Don’t you need to see what I wrote?” Dean asked.

“Nah,” Cas said. “There were a few philosophers specifically you didn’t seem to get so we can just talk about those.”

Dean nodded and cracked his book open to one of the ones he figured Cas meant. It didn’t cross his mind to wonder why Cas remembered his midterm so well.

Without needing to look at the book, Cas knew the guy’s beliefs and thoughts on human nature. Dean found it was easy to have a discussion with Cas about what made this philosopher different and similar to other ones and what his main points had been.

“How are you so good at this?” Dean asked.

“Humans are fascinating,” Cas said with a shrug. “Humans who think of how other humans think and act and their morality are even more fascinating, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” Dean said, not really finding it as interesting but enjoying Cas’s take on it.

“Let’s do another one,” Cas suggested.

After an hour, Dean felt he had a solid grasp of what he had missed on the midterm and felt a lot more confident for their final at the end of the semester. It was one of his only ones that was cumulative, and they still had more to learn. At least if he was clear on the first half, he had a solid foundation going forward.

“I wish I did this sooner,” Dean said, putting his book back in his bag.

“I offered,” Cas reminded him.

“That just seemed like a flirtation,” Dean said defensively.

“It was but also a real offer for help,” Cas said.

Dean didn’t have a reply to that since he didn’t think he would be so open about the fact that he had been flirting. He felt his cheeks get red and couldn’t believe he blushed so easily around Cas.

Cas let out a small laugh, quiet enough that Dean almost missed it.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Do you always blush like that or just around me?” Cas asked with his usual bravado. 

He leaned forward and turned his face towards Dean.

“I do not,” Dean lied.

“Blush?” Cas asked before laughing again. “Come on, every time you see me in the library or when I said you had been watching me dance…”

“You’re exaggerating,” Dean said, looking down and zipping his backpack.

“I’m not,” Cas said, voice low and now very close to Dean’s ear, “and it is really cute, the way you always stare at me…”

Dean couldn’t listen to any more and slammed his mouth on Cas’s to shut him up. Cas kissed back after a second, fiercely and possessively, as he grabbed Dean’s shoulder and hip.

Dean ignored his thoughts freaking out that this was a guy, he was kissing a guy, because it felt exquisite. He kissed Cas harder, tangling a hand in his bedhead. Damn, Cas was a good kisser and Dean needed more. He crawled onto Cas’s lap, breaking their kiss for just a second before his lips found Cas’s again.

Cas moaned into his mouth and he tightened his grip on Dean’s hips when Dean shifted a little, growing erections grinding together through layers of fabric. Dean had never felt another guy’s dick so thrillingly close to his own, and he moved his hips to feel it again. It was easy to feel all of Cas though his sweatpants.

“Fuck,” Dean said, not wanting to stop moving his hips and feeling Cas hard against him.

Shockingly quick, Cas had flipped Dean on his back and was on top of him. He ground his hips down and bit at Dean’s lip. Dean pushed his hips up to feel more, he needed more. He grabbed Cas’s ass to get them as close as possible.

Dean kissed Cas again, amazed by how great he tasted.

“Gonna, I’m, oh shit, I’m….” Dean managed between rough kisses, “come, gonna come.”

Cas rutted with more determination and Dean felt the heat pool in his stomach, his whole-body tingling with how good it was. Dean didn’t want Cas to stop, he wanted to come and feel Cas come with him. He was so close, right there, only needed a few more erratic thrusts from Cas to send him cascading over the edge.

“Dean,” Cas said, voice raspy and low.

Hearing Cas say his name in such a raw, sexed up voice had Dean coming in his pants like a freaking inexperienced prude. Not to mention how quickly he had come, and he would have been more embarrassed if he didn’t feel Cas do the same thing. Dean couldn’t believe he made the legendary Cas come in his pants, and damn if he didn’t look good while he did it.

They stayed like that a moment, Cas above Dean looking at him like he was special and not some nobody from a boring little town with a father who projected his crap on his son…

Shit, Dean thought, thinking about his dad causing him to panic.

“What?” Cas asked, noticing the look on Dean’s face.

“I, uh, I should go,” Dean stammered.

“You don’t…”

“Yeah, I have to,” Dean said.

Cas got off of Dean and scooted over on the couch to let Dean grab his backpack and start to leave.

“Thanks, for the, uh, tutoring help,” Dean said, unable to look Cas in the eye.

“You’re welcome,” Cas replied.

Dean couldn’t read his tone and kept his eyes down as he left the house. He would have felt guilty for running out so fast if his shame and worry didn’t overpower it.

He shut the door behind him and took a deep breath, head still spinning from his intense orgasm. It didn’t help that the porch was the same one where he and Cas talked for the first time. He needed to get out of there, fast, before he seriously spiraled.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ Dean snapped in his head.

He couldn’t believe how monumentally and profoundly dumb he had been. There was come cooling in his pants and a guy had gotten him off. If anyone found out…

Dean walked faster, trying to put as much distance from himself and Cas as possible. Kissing Cas was a mistake, a mistake that felt amazing.

 _No,_ Dean cursed at himself as he walked into his dorm. _Not amazing. This is bad._

He made small talk with Victor before sneaking out to the shower. He felt like Victor could tell, like he knew somehow, what Dean had done, as illogical as that was. In the shower, he set the water as hot as he could stand and scrubbed his skin raw.

As he washed, he tried to dig deep and figure out why he it bothered him at such an astronomical level that he… that what happened had happened with Cas.

 _Fuck_ , Dean thought. He could barely say that he kissed Cas and then climbed in his lap…

Dean didn’t think anything would ever happen with a guy, so he was okay with pushing those thoughts down. But with Cas, Dean didn’t even have a chance. Dean crushed on him, hard, starting right when he first saw him and couldn’t help but kiss him.

 _Okay_ , Dean thought as he hopped out of the shower. I can handle this.

He could pretend it never happened. It definitely could never happen again. All he had to do was not tell anyone or probably ever look at Cas again. Shit. The guy was his freakin’ TA who graded his work.

Dean had a moment of panic that Cas would fail the next philosophy assignment he turned in, but he knew Cas wasn’t like that. Hopefully. Dean really didn’t know him when he thought about it. 

_No_ , Dean calmed himself down, _he’s not a bad guy. Just a bad boy with that lip piercing that felt great…_

He got back to his thankfully empty room and got dressed before throwing himself into his homework. With Cas’s explanation earlier, Dean could handle it. As long as he didn’t think of what came after.

He let out a sigh and got to work.

 

For a week, Dean’s plan went fine. He dodged his friends’ questions about why he was acting weird and ran out of philosophy class the second the teacher dismissed them to avoid Cas. Until one day, Dean wasn’t fast enough.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said, arms crossed at the end of the row of seats Dean tried to leave.

“Cas,” Dean said in surprise. “What’s up?”

Dean felt relieved he got a sentence out around Cas without blushing or fumbling his words.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked, looking more serious than Dean had ever seen him.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Dean replied, at a loss.

“Well, you kind of freaked out the other day after we…”

“I didn’t freak out,” Dean said, meaner than he meant but some other students milled around, and they didn’t need to hear what happened. “I didn’t think anything like that would happen and it took me by surprise.”

“Hey, you kissed me first!” Cas said.

Cas didn’t raise his voice, but a couple heads turned. Dean felt his stomach sink and his eyes get wide, panic rising.

“Why would…shit,” Dean said, running a hand through his hair and looking down. 

“What?” Cas said, hands out in exasperation.

“I…can’t,” Dean said. “I can’t be gay. If my dad found out…”

He let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling while fidgeting with the hem of his sweater. Disastrous would be an understatement if he knew. It would make the time Dean took the car without asking look like nothing and that got him grounded for a month.

“Does anybody here have his number?”

“What?” Dean asked, confused, meeting Cas’s level gaze.

Cas repeated the question and Dean shook his head no.

“Then chill,” Cas said, shrugging. “He won’t find out anything if you don’t tell him yourself.”

Dean let that sink in. College had allowed him more freedom than he ever had before but he still wasn’t sure how far he wanted to stretch it. Even if he had messed around with Cas, it didn’t mean he was ready to admit he wasn’t completely straight. Not even sort of.

“This isn’t easy for me, okay?” Dean explained. “It’s all new.”

Cas cracked a smile.

“And?”

Dean was taken aback and a little annoyed. He wasn’t as confident as Cas and it was big to admit as much as he had so far.

“What do you mean ‘and’?” Dean snapped.

“Don’t overthink it,” Cas said.

With a wink, he walked away.

Dean walked back to his dorm, replaying the conversation over and over. He could really do what, or who, ever he wanted without his father finding out. Hell, his friends didn’t even have to know. He and Cas could be the only ones who knew.

Thinking of doing anything with Cas again made him nervous, so he focused on homework instead. If it came up again, he would deal with it then.


	3. Welcome to Next Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds himself alone with Cas again.

It so happened, he didn’t have to wait long.

Victor again invited Dean out to one of Cas’s parties a week before Halloween. Benny and Charlie were down, Charlie especially since she hoped to see the same girl as last time. Dean was the only one hesitant to go.

“What’s up?” Charlie asked as they walked behind Benny and Victor to the party. “You didn’t really seem keen to come out.”

Dean held in his laugh at her choice of words. He didn’t have a good excuse of why he preferred to stay in without spilling what had happened with Cas. Even though she was gay, and Victor and Benny might be chill, he didn’t want them to know. He didn’t even know what he would say. They dry humped and Dean was having a crisis about it? Some stuff just didn’t need to be shared.

“I had some homework I would have done, that’s all,” Dean lied, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets.

She gave him a look but knew Dean well enough to drop it.

Inside, the party was already crowded. Charlie saw the girl she talked to last time, Dorothy, but she was already talking to someone else. Dean watched Charlie’s face fall.

“Why don’t you go say hi?” Dean suggested.

Charlie laughed.

“Oh, you’re Mister Smooth all of a sudden?” she teased.

He couldn’t argue with her but knew she was bolder than he was.

“Come on,” Dean pressed. “You really liked her after last time.”

“Fine,” Charlie said, squaring her shoulders. “Challenge accepted.”

“I didn’t…”

“You did,” she answered with finality as she walked away.

Dean watched her walk right up and Dorothy’s face lit up when she saw Charlie. Their third wheel quickly left when neither of the other two acknowledged her anymore. Dean shook his head and again wished he had her confidence.

“Beer?”

A deep voice spoke very close to Dean’s ear and made him jump a little.

“Cas,” Dean said, heart racing from being startled and from seeing him. “Hey.”

“Did I scare you?” Cas asked with a smug grin.

“No,” Dean lied.

Cas grinned wider and stuck the beer out. Dean took it, popped it open and took a generous gulp.

“I was hoping I would see you,” Cas said, voice soft enough that only Dean could hear.

Dean felt his face heat up and cursed his damn cheeks for doing it so easily.

The smug smile on Cas never left and Dean knew Cas knew he made him blush like crazy. It wasn’t fair. He barely had to do anything for Dean to lose his cool.

“Relax, okay?” Dean said. “I’m with friends, they don’t know…”

“Of course they don’t.”

Cas’s smile vanished as he said it but then he shrugged it off.

“Whatever,” Cas said. “Enjoy the party.”

Dean felt guilty but didn’t know why. Cas knew he wasn’t ready to make any grand announcements about his sexuality or who he was working it out with. He liked his friends a lot but had only known them a few months and he had to live with one of them. If that interaction went south, the rest of the school year would be terrible.

“What was that about?” Benny asked as he and Victor walked up.

“Nothing,” Dean lied.

His stomach churned with all the lies he had told in one night. He needed everyone to back off. Benny and Victor shared a look but let it go and talked about a few of the girls dancing on the other side of the room.

“I’m going to step outside,” Dean said after a few minutes. 

The other boys nodded, and Dean walked out.

As soon as Dean stepped out on the porch, he chugged the rest of his beer. He kept his eyes closed and let the bit of alcohol calm him down. His eyes flew open when he heard clapping.

It was Cas, leaning on the railing like last time with a cigarette dangling from his lips.

“That was impressive,” he said as he stopped clapping. “What else can you take that fast?”

Dean let out an exasperated sigh.

“Really?” he asked. “Everything is an innuendo to you?”

Cas shrugged like it was no big deal, charming smile causing Dean’s heart to speed up.

“I like making you blush.”

“Well, I didn’t that time,” Dean said, honest for a change.

“I’ll just have to try harder,” he said, putting out his cigarette.

Dean sighed again, still finding it hard to believe this infuriating man was who he was attracted to.

Cas walked to the front door and turned when he was halfway through.

“Coming?” he said to Dean.

“Yes, if you don’t make a joke about it,” Dean said, anticipating the double entendre.

“I don’t need to joke, I’ve seen you do it,” Cas answered with a wink.

His eyes dropped to Dean’s crotch and finally, Dean blushed.

“There it is,” Cas grinned. “Seriously, come on in.”

They walked inside to a few curious looks, but Cas didn’t look back at him and people lost interest. Dean went to grab another beer in the kitchen and found Benny and Victor talking to two of the girls who had been dancing earlier.

“Dean, hey,” Benny said. “This is Andrea and…”

“Bela,” Victor answered for the other girl.

“Hi,” Dean said as he opened his beer.

“We’re gonna bounce, get something to eat,” Victor said. “Want to join us?”

“I’m good,” Dean said.

The guys shrugged and left the kitchen with their new lady friends. After they left, Dean realized he didn’t know where Charlie was and suddenly felt very alone.

Until Cas came into the kitchen.

“Now who’s following who,” Dean quipped.

Cas gave him a blank stare before breaking into a smile.

“You made a joke,” he observed.

“Hey, I’m hilarious,” Dean retorted, drinking his beer.

“You’re something, that’s for sure,” Cas teased but Dean chose to ignore it.

When Dean finished his beer, Cas reached into the cooler and handed him another one.

“Thanks,” Dean said.

“So, where’d all your friends go?” Cas asked.

Dean shrugged, not really liking the topic of being left alone. Sure, Benny and Victor invited him to get food, but he could see on their faces they wanted to double date and didn’t need a fifth wheel.

“Hey, we can still have fun,” Cas pointed out.

Dean recognized the look in Cas’s eyes, the same one he had when they were on the couch in the next room going at it. The intent was clear, and Dean’s stomach dropped as if he was on a roller coaster.

“Not…we can’t,” Dean said, not even sounding convincing to himself.

“Why not?” Cas asked, stepping closer and voice dropping lower.

Dean didn’t have an answer that made sense. He didn’t know why they couldn’t, why it was a bad idea… Cas wanted him. He made that obvious and Dean wanted him too, even if he made it less obvious. Cas leaned in even closer until his lips were next to Dean’s ear.

“We can do whatever we want,” Cas said. “As good as last time was, I think we can do even better.”

Someone, a very drunk someone, stumbled into the kitchen and Dean flew backwards away from Cas. The drunk guy grabbed a beer while mumbling the words to whatever song had been blasting then managed to walk out. Dean looked at Cas, lust still filling his eyes, and decided to run away again.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Dean said.

As he power-walked out of the kitchen, he realized he did have to pee. He went upstairs and found a short line for the bathroom.

Once inside, he peed and then downed the rest of his beer. He washed his hands before splashing cold water on his face. He threw his empty can in the garbage and stared at himself in the mirror.

_Why not have some fun_ , the little devil on Dean’s shoulder asked.

He shook his head. It was a bad idea. With so many people here, word would get out. Rumors of the mysterious Cas and who he slept with at his parties circulated all the time. Dean didn’t need to be one of them or do anything with a guy again. Once was enough to satiate his curiosity.

_No it’s not._

Before Dean could respond to the nagging voice in his head encouraging him to go after Cas, a pounding on the door reminded him there was a line. He dashed out of the bathroom and away from the line and almost immediately into Cas.

“Jesus, are you following me?” Dean snapped.

All night, it seemed the guy couldn’t leave him alone. Dean needed a second to think, to breathe, without Cas up in his face. Things were difficult enough on his own without a constant reminder of the lies and secrets.

“You do remember I live here, right?” Cas asked, voice cool. “I needed something in my room.”

Dean noticed the joint in his hand and rolled his eyes, not understanding the appeal.

“You don’t like pot or cigarettes or sex,” Cas observed as he lit the joint. “What do you like?”

He couldn’t believe the brazenness of the guy, lighting up drugs like that near a good amount of people. There also wasn’t a boring answer to his question. Dean liked reading, movies and classic rock. He didn’t want to tell Cas he really wasn’t that exciting.

“I do too like sex,” Dean said, not adding he was just more used to it with the couple of women he had done it with.

“Whatever,” Cas said, exhaling to the side. “Coming?”

It appeared to be a genuine question, one not laced with innuendo, as Cas gestured behind himself at his bedroom. Dean remembered his friends were all otherwise occupied and shrugged before following Cas into his room.

Cas shut the door behind them and must have noticed the disapproving look on Dean’s face.

“Relax,” Cas said after he exhaled more smoke. “I didn’t think you’d want people to see you in here with me.”

Dean felt guilty keeping their whatever it was a secret and knew Cas didn’t deserve the sneaking around. All Dean could do was nod before looking around Cas’s room.

It resembled a store he had been dragged into once called Spencer’s, plenty of marijuana joke decorations and band posters. The only band Dean recognized was Nirvana.

“So, how’d a handsome guy like yourself end up all alone at this party?” Cas asked as he sat on his bed.

“Well, I’m not alone unless I imagined you asking me that question,” Dean said, not acknowledging that Cas called him handsome.

“Oh, you got a mouth on you, huh?” Cas teased, sounding genuinely amused at Dean’s quip.

“Don’t…” Dean started, sensing the direction Cas was taking things.

“Wanna use it for something else?” Cas said, face breaking into a somewhat smarmy smile. 

“There it is,” Dean said, rolling his eyes and managing not to blush.

Cas gave a little shake of his head with a small smile. The gesture was simple and easygoing. Dean liked seeing Cas’s smile and stared a little too long before Cas spoke. 

“Why don’t I put on some music?” Cas asked.

Dean nodded.

Cas pulled his phone out of the pocket of his tight black jeans and scrolled through until he found something he liked. It connected to a speaker on his desk and filled the room with sound, similar to the rock Dean listened to but a little more punk-style.

“I don’t know this one,” Dean admitted.

Cas shrugged.

“More for background noise,” he said. “Want a hit?”

He held his joint out.

“I’m good,” Dean said.

Cas raised his eyebrows as he puffed.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Dean said, getting a laugh from Cas, “but my father wants me to go into law enforcement or military, so I don’t want to smoke. I need to pass drug tests and polygraphs and stuff.”

“Do you ever do anything for you? I mean, seriously,” Cas said, eyes slightly narrowed.

Dean crossed his arms, annoyed at the question.

“Yes,” Dean snapped. “He didn’t think I could do college and here I am.”

“Well, shit,” Cas said with a smirk, “I stand corrected.”

There was a moment of quiet and Dean stood awkwardly before Cas spoke.

“Can I ask you something?” Cas asked.

“Uh, sure,” Dean said.

“You’re a grown-ass man…”

“That’s not a question,” Dean interrupted.

“Let me finish,” Cas said with a laugh and his head tilted to the side. “Since you’re an adult, why do you care so much about what your father thinks? 

“He’s my father, you know? It’s how I was raised, to listen to him without question. Don’t you listen to your parents?” Dean asked.

“I used to,” Cas said. “I rebelled a little too much for their liking.”

Dean let out a laugh, believing that without a doubt, and waited for Cas to elaborate but he didn’t. Instead, he turned the conversation back to Dean.

“Aren’t you here on full scholarship? He can’t threaten to stop paying.”

“Yeah, I am, but so what? I care what he thinks because…”

Cas squinted his eyes as Dean trailed off.

“How did you know I was on a full scholarship?” Dean asked.

Cas stood up to put the finished joint in an ashtray on his desk. He brushed past Dean, a ghost of a touch that had Dean clench his fist to stop from reaching out for more.

“I asked about you,” Cas said with his back to Dean, “before we even spoke.”

Dean remembered Cas knew his name the first time they talked on the porch. He figured Cas just asked someone for his name, not for anything else. His guess was Charlie but then he didn’t know why she never told him that Cas asked about him.

“What else did you find out?” Dean asked, enjoying being the one to tease for once and it was obvious in his voice.

“Oh, bite me,” Cas said, shoving past Dean towards the door.

“Come on,” Dean said, still grinning. “What else?”

Cas sighed before he answered.

“You have a younger brother, you love classic cars like the one your Dad drives,” Cas started.

“1967 Chevy Impala,” Dean interrupted. He loved working on her with his dad. 

“And are smoking hot,” Cas finished his list.

Since he still guessed the information came from Charlie, he figured she didn’t say the last one.

“I don’t think Charlie said I’m hot,” Dean said, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, she didn’t,” Cas said with a smirk, giving up his source, “but I do have eyes. And you are.”

“Okay,” Dean said, looking down.

As he averted his eyes, Cas had stepped into his personal space and tentatively grabbed one of his hands.

“You are,” Cas insisted. “I didn’t just ask about you for no reason. I had to know who the sexiest new freshman was.”

“Right,” Dean said doubtfully, looking at their joined hands. “So you could add me to your long list of people you slept with. I get it.”

“No,” Cas said, voice sure. 

With his hand not holding Dean’s, Cas tilted his chin up so Dean had to look into his eyes. They were bright, ringed in eyeliner and didn’t allow Dean to look away.

“Have you heard any of the usual crazy rumors about me and who I slept with since what happened on the couch?” Cas asked.

Dean hadn’t, and he thought about Cas’s body, flush against his and thrusting until...

“You haven’t…” Dean began, daring to believe Cas was implying what Dean thought.

“No. I could only think about you, about the next time I could see you or talk to you,” Cas paused. “Or kiss you, hopefully.”

He smiled, a gentler one than Dean had ever seen. The smile, softness of his gaze and his hand sure in Dean’s helped him banish any doubts or worries. Cas wanted him, only him, and Dean felt the same. Fighting it did no one any good.

“Go ahead then,” Dean said, eyes dropping to Cas’s lips with the silver stud.

Cas didn’t hesitate to close the space between them and kiss Dean lightly. Cas’s music played on and Dean wanted to know what the song was, had to remember to ask later, so he could think of Cas’s lips on his while he listened to it over and over the next day.

Dean took his hand Cas wasn’t holding to reach up to run it through Cas’s blue-tipped dark hair to make it messier than it was. Cas’s hand that travelled to Dean’s hip gripped harder and his kiss got more urgent, spurred on by Dean’s hand tightening in his hair.

Cas pulled their hands apart so both of his were free to push Dean’s flannel shirt off and to the floor. He didn’t press any further, just letting his fingertips graze at Dean’s hips under his t-shirt.

Dean wanted to feel Cas, as much as he could, so he started with his shirt. The black t-shirt he wore went off easily and Dean took in his chest, noted the freckle by one nipple, and fixated on the sharp hipbones like he did before, marveling at the intricate tattoos.

The bastard smirked, like always.

“Shut up,” Dean said, no bite to his words, before kissing Cas again.

With Dean turning to putty in Cas’s experienced hands, they quickly fell back onto the bed. The fall was a little ungraceful and had them sharing a laugh before continuing to kiss. The song changed, and Dean realized he would need the whole playlist to accurately remember the night.

Cas toed off his shoes then yanked his socks off before helping Dean do the same. He hovered over Dean, awe in his eyes that Dean didn’t understand, and tugged at the hem of Dean’s shirt. Dean nodded and let Cas pull it off and toss it towards his flannel on the floor.

His eyes roamed Dean’s chest and stomach, making Dean squirm with the attention. No one he had been with before took their time like this, admiring him before moving on.

Dean, to get Cas to stop staring, pulled him down into a searing kiss, allowing Cas to press his weight down and grind his hips against his own. A groan passed his lips that got Cas to kiss him with more vigor, lip piercing cold against their heated lips, and Dean grew even harder. 

Thrusting up, Dean was desperate to feel more of Cas. He needed to see all of him, feel him.

“Pants,” Dean said, barely over a whine. “come on.”

Cas gave him a confused look.

“You’re sure?” he asked.

Dean nodded.

“Need you to say it, that you’re not drunk or anything,” Cas insisted.

“I’m not, I promise I want this, want you,” Dean pleaded. “Please.”

As he spoke, he kept grinding his hips and holding Cas tight to his own body.

“Please what?” Cas said, smirking.

“Please get our pants off, Cas, please,” Dean said, only realizing how bad he begged after he already spoke.

Dean thought Cas would keep smirking or make a flippant remark but instead his mouth hung slack and he stared. Dean was a little more than surprised.

“Uh…”

Dean laughed, and Cas’s eyes darkened.

“Did I really just shut you up?” Dean said.

“Maybe,” Cas quipped.

Before Dean could laugh anymore, Cas’s lips captured his possessively. His hands went to Dean’s fly and gave a few teasing rubs of his palm over his dick before undoing the zipper at a torturously slow speed.

Dean wiggled his hips to help Cas hurry up, but Cas wouldn’t let him. He placed a steady hand on Dean’s stomach to hold him down while carefully undoing his fly and began to pull his jeans down.

“Cas, fuck, please,” Dean begged, enjoying being held down by Cas a little more than he thought he should. “Please.”

Cas didn’t stop but he didn’t move any faster either. He got Dean’s jeans off and tossed them aside and crawled back over Dean, stopping above his tented briefs.

“I kind of like how hard you are for me,” Cas said. 

Dean almost took it as a joke but for the hungry way he was looking at his crotch.

“Yeah?” Dean teased. “Maybe you should show me how hard you are for me.”

He didn’t know where the bravado came from, but it worked. Cas hurried to get his own jeans off and threw them to the floor. 

“See?” Cas asked, guiding Dean’s hand to his briefs.

Dean could only nod as he palmed over Cas’s cock. He was in a room, alone, with a boy and they were almost naked. The exhilaration of that alone made Dean even harder. Dean’s hand was only separated from another guy’s dick by one layer of fabric. He knew he could stop Cas, put his clothes on and run, but he didn’t want to. He needed to feel Cas against him without clothes this time.

“Can we…” Dean tried to ask what he needed. “Is it okay…”

“To take off the last bit between us?” Cas said, small smile taunting Dean just a little. “You first.”

Dean appreciated that Cas was being so patient with him, giving him every chance to back out. But Dean wouldn’t take it.

He shimmied out of his briefs before Cas did the same. Dean stared at Cas’s cock, the first one he’d seen not in a locker room or porn, before looking up to see Cas staring at his.

“I mean, I could tell you were big when we were on the couch but wow,” Cas complimented. 

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Such attitude,” Cas said, feigning hurt at Dean’s sass.

Dean would have said something impatient or dismissive, but Cas wrapped a hand around Dean’s cock. He waited to move, his eyebrows raised until Dean spoke.

“Yes, please, Cas,” Dean whined. “Please jerk me off.”

Cas gave a few short tugs, twisting his wrist lightly near the tip. Dean dropped his head back and let out an obscene groan he didn’t even know he could make, and Cas started to jerk his hand faster.

“Fuck, Cas, yes, just like that, fuck,” Dean said.

Without thinking, Dean pushed his hips up and fucked into Cas’s hand. He heard Cas make a noise of surprise and looked to see him jerking himself off.

For a few minutes, their heavy breaths and slickness from their pre-come was the only sound in the room. Cas slowed down, and Dean was about to protest.

“Dean, do you trust me?” Cas asked, hands still.

“Yes,” Dean answered without hesitation.

Cas could have told everyone what they did on the couch but never had so Dean figured he could trust him.

Dean felt cold as Cas got up from the bed but enjoyed the show watching Cas walk to his bedside table to fetch a small bottle.

Cas gave a shake of his hips and Dean laughed.

“A show just for you,” Cas said with a wink.

“Why thank you,” Dean replied, still smiling.

Cas climbed back into bed and over Dean who realized the bottle was lube. Dean’s mind went to anal and how he wasn’t ready for that, and the panic must have shown in his eyes.

“Dean, look at me,” Cas instructed.

Dean focused on his eyes, dark with lust and his eyeliner just a little smudged.

“I know you’re not ready for anything too crazy, okay?” Cas said. “But I want to try something I know you’ll like, it’s similar to what we’ve already done. Are you cool with that?”

“Yes, please,” Dean said, “I trust you.”

Cas gave a short nod before squirting some of the lube into the palm off his hand. He began to jerk himself slowly and his eyes fluttered shut.

“Fuck,” he let out.

Dean moaned and stroked his dick, rock hard watching Cas.

“Fuck,” Dean said.

“Ssshh, baby,” Cas said, “unless you want someone to figure out who’s lucky enough to be in my room.”

“Little full of yourself, aren’t you?” Dean teased, but quietly. He really did appreciate Cas thinking about that and being careful.

Cas leaned forward and lined his cock up with Dean’s and took both of their cocks in his own lubed hand.

“Hey, Cas, I have to ask,” Dean said, hating to kill the mood but he had to know. “You’re clean right?”

“Yeah, just got tested,” Cas said. “I’m careful, I promise. You?”

“Yeah,” Dean answered. “The girls I’ve been with were virgins, or said they were. I never felt anything wrong. Do you think I am?”

“I think so. Most problems are obvious pretty soon.” Cas nodded.

“Okay. Shit,” Dean cursed, gladly letting the experienced Cas take over. “Oh, shit, feels so good.”

He should have been freaking out that his dick was sliding against another one, but the sight just made him feel the familiar warmth spread threw his body, spine tingling and very nearly coming.

Cas let out of a string of curses, sprinkling Dean’s name in there every once in a while. 

“Cas, please, gonna come, please,” Dean groaned softly, “Cas, fuck, need to come. Don’t stop.”

Cas sped up his hand and thrust his hips too, both providing the friction Dean wanted all night. 

“Want to come for you, please Cas,” Dean said, not sure when he became so needy in bed.

“Go ahead, Dean,” Cas said, “come for me.”

He thrust few more times above Dean who spilled his release at the same time Cas did, wordless and relieved as they came down after a handful more strokes.

“Oh my God,” Dean said, heart pounding and still out of breath.

Cas laughed and leaned his forehead down to press against Dean’s. It felt nice for a second until the sticky and cooling come made it less cute.

“Can we…” Dean asked.

“Sure, hold on,” Cas replied, seeming to read Dean’s mind.

He hurried back with a towel to clean them up and Dean wasn’t sure if he should put his clothes on or stay. Or if he even wanted to stay. Someone could see him leave in the morning.

“You’re overthinking, aren’t you?” Cas said, a statement more than a question.

Cas slid back into bed, pulling Dean against his chest and curling around him. Dean was again surprised by how well Cas could tell what he was thinking. He also enjoyed how nice it felt to be held by Cas.

“Okay,” Dean said with a breath of relief, trying to calm his racing thoughts.

He paused and spoke faster than his brain could filter and stop him. 

“This wasn’t how I expected the next time to happen.”

Cas laughed into Dean’s hair before kissing behind his ear.

“You thought of a next time?” Cas said, and Dean could feel the smirk against his neck.

“Maybe,” Dean dismissed.

“That’s cute,” Cas said, tightening his arms around Dean just a little.

Dean waited for Cas to say something else and began to freak out that he overshared. Cas probably thought he was clingy and never thought of anything but Cas. It was partially true, but Cas didn’t need to know that.

“It’s okay,” Cas reassured him. “I had some fantasies featuring you, too. None of which involved clothes.”

“Always the romantic, Cas,” Dean joked but feeling a slight blush nonetheless.

“Just for you, baby,” Cas said.

He didn’t say anything else, but it made a goofy grin spread on Dean’s face. 

“Can I ask you something?” Dean asked, curiosity winning out.

“Sure.”

“What is Cas short for?”

“Castiel,” Cas said after a pause. “My parents…they were nutty. They hate that I shorten it. Not many people know my full name.”

“Way to make a guy feel special,” Dean said, sort of kidding but actually feeling pretty trusted.

“You are,” Cas said, snuggling Dean closer.

Dean fell asleep thinking of the gentle smile Cas had before they took their clothes off and decided it was his favorite smile Cas had.


	4. Fucking or Fighting?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up in Cas's arms but it doesn't take long for the world to come crashing back.

When Dean woke up, he felt warm. Arms were wrapped around him, tight, and the events of last night rushed back. He and Cas were still naked, tangled together, and Dean smiled to himself. 

It felt sort of early and Dean wanted to sneak out before any other lingering party guest saw him. He knew that Cas’s housemates liked to have people sleepover and Dean didn’t need it to be spread around campus that he spent the night with Cas.

With great caution, Dean got out of bed. Cas stirred a little bit but didn’t wake up. Dean let out a breath before finding his clothes, phone dead in the pocket of his jeans.

Once he carefully snuck out of the house, he let out a sigh of relief and walked back to his dorm. Someone else was on the other side of the street, walking out of another house, and Dean laughed to himself at their shared so-called “walk of shame.” It didn’t feel as shameful as the last time he walked away from Cas’s house.

As he walked, he thought about Cas and the night before. It was obvious he wasn’t straight. He liked women still, but he also thoroughly enjoyed feeling Cas’s cock against his own. And kissing him. And waking up in his arms.

 _Shit_ , Dean thought, realizing how dangerous it was just how much he liked all of those things.

He could begin to admit to himself that he wasn’t straight, but he didn’t know how to tell anyone else. Cas could be a good source of advice, Dean figured. At some point, he had to have come out as not straight.

In his room, Dean plugged in his phone to charge before going to shower. Victor wasn’t around, and Dean wondered if he stayed with Bela.

When he came back from his shower, he turned his phone on and was hit with a wave of texts. Charlie, Victor and Benny all wanted to know where he was and to make sure he was okay.

 _Fuck_ , Dean thought.

He didn’t know what to say. If Victor had come back to their room at any point, he would know Dean hadn’t come back. Lying made his stomach hurt but he still couldn’t admit who he was with. Sexuality crisis aside, Dean knew Benny and Charlie didn’t seem to like Cas much.

As he thought of what to say to his friends, another text came in. It was obviously a new contact since Dean certainly didn’t add the name that popped up.

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : hey you make it home okay?

Dean laughed at what Cas put his contact name as in Dean’s phone.

 **Dean** : yeah I’m good. When did you put your number in my phone?

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : I woke up to pee and saw it sticking out of your jeans. Thought you might want my number ;)

 **Dean** : How’d you guess my password?

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : 1967 seemed like a good guess

Dean felt his cheeks get warm, but not from any dirty thoughts. It felt nice that someone knew him so well.

 **Dean** : so it was. What am I in your phone?

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : World’s Sexiest Freshman

Dean laughed out loud again.

 **Dean** : wow

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : I’m hilarious and you know it ;)

Dean didn’t get a chance to answer before a knock came at his door. He opened it to find Charlie.

“Holy shit, way to let us know you’re alive!” she said, barging in.

“Come on in,” Dean joked.

“Don’t use humor to distract me, I’m pissed,” she said, crossing her arms. “We were all worried about you. What happened?”

“I drank a little too much and just passed out on a random futon,” Dean lied. “When I woke up, my phone was dead, I charged it when I got back a little while ago.”

“Well, shit,” Charlie said, voice finally less angry. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Mostly, I’m a little hungover,” Dean said, continuing the lie.

“That’s what you get,” Charlie said before sticking out her tongue. “Want to go get food? I’m meeting Benny.”

“I’m good, I’m just gonna get some more sleep,” Dean said, mostly telling the truth.

“Okie dokie,” Charlie said, heading for the door.

“Charlie, wait,” Dean stopped her. “Did, uh, did that guy Cas ever ask about me? Yesterday he made it seem like you had a chat.”

Charlie let out a laugh.

“Oh yeah, him,” Charlie said. “He said he was curious about you and asked a little about you, name and major and stuff since he saw us hanging out early in the year. Why?”

“No reason, he just brought it up yesterday at the party,” Dean said, half telling the truth.

“I’m sorry if I overshared, he was very persistent,” Charlie explained. “And I didn’t think you would care he asked.”

“No, it’s whatever, really,” Dean said, brushing it off along with his guilt for continuing to lie.

“All right-y then, I’ll see ya later,” Charlie said before bounding out of Dean’s room. “Peace!”

Dean flopped onto his bed and picked up his still charging phone to answer Cas.

 **Dean** : yeah, you’re something

World’s Sexiest T.A.: ouch! Whatever, I know how much I can make you beg and I can’t wait to do it again

Dean dropped his phone onto his face and felt his cheeks get red. He still wasn’t used to how bold Cas could be. He picked it up to see a follow up text.

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : how red are your cheeks right now?

 **Dean** : shut up

He could imagine Cas’s laugh at his answer and smiled as he imagined it.

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : seriously tho, you’re not spiraling or anything right? Because last night was a lot of fun.

 **Dean** : I’m good. It was definitely fun

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : good.

Dean smiled to himself as he remembered Cas kissing him and how reassuring he had been, checking in as they got naked… 

They continued to text, enjoying a Saturday not doing anything else, even though Dean should have been studying and he knew it. But Cas kept texting and Dean kept answering. Dean asked and got the playlist from the night before, getting only mild teasing for being a sap, and learned it was one Cas had made on Spotify. He really was something else and easy to talk to.

Until…

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : When can I take you to dinner?

Dean stared at it for several minutes, not sure how to respond. He could picture a beautiful and romantic dinner at a nice restaurant with cloth napkins and everything but then he freaked out having anyone see. Being with Cas alone in his house was one thing but being out on a date was a new level of out and proud he wasn’t sure about.

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : let me guess, now you’re freaking out

Dean shook his head; still amazed Cas could read him so well. 

**Dean** : I’m not sure I’m ready to be that out yet. I told you this is all new to me. I don’t know if I’m ready for a date. Did you immediately start dating when you came out?

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : no I guess I didn’t. but I was out as pansexual in high school and had parents and teachers on my ass about it, you’re a little more free.

 **Dean** : pansexual?

Dean chose to focus on the new word instead of Cas saying he should be more open just because he was at college. It still wasn’t easy to accept himself as anything but straight after years of believing he was.

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : google it

Ignoring Cas’s curt reply, Dean did exactly that and soon was down a serious rabbit hole of different sexualities and gender identities he never knew existed. Who knew sexual and romantic attractions were different from each other? And gender identity was an entirely different thing, too? Dean sure as hell didn’t. It wasn’t exactly part of his high school’s curriculum.

He did find something useful called a Kinsey scale that stated Dean was at a two. It meant more hetero than homo but absolutely bisexual. At least that word he had heard of before.

All that aside, Cas seemed to be pissed that Dean didn’t want to go on a date with him judging by his responses after Dean said no. Dean didn’t know how to continue their conversation without it circling back to that. He needed to be comfortable with himself before letting people see him with Cas. If he wasn’t completely sure and panicked on their date, that would hurt Cas more than simply rejecting him. 

Dean let out a huge sigh and worked on homework. He wasn’t going to figure everything out in one afternoon.

 

Dean managed to avoid Cas for a week, even in philosophy class, before Cas texted him asking him to come over. He told Dean the house was empty, so he wouldn’t have to worry about being seen. Dean’s stomach was in knots in the hours since the text came and when his classes were done for the day.

He figured they had some shit to talk through and he ran through a million scenarios in his head as he walked over. Some of them, they got naked, some they just talked. In one, Cas yelled at him and told him to fuck off. Dean didn’t like that one very much.

“Hey,” Dean said as he walked up and found Cas smoking on the front porch. “Isn’t it a little cold for that?”

Cas just shrugged before he took a final long drag. Apparently, the early November chill didn’t bother him.

“Come on in,” Cas said.

Cas started up the stairs and Dean began to protest, not wanting Cas to get the idea they would be doing anything that needed to be hidden away behind a door.

“I don’t know when my roommates will be back and I know you don’t want them to see us together,” Cas said, bitterness clear in his voice.

Dean tried his best to swallow his guilt as he followed Cas.

Once they were behind Cas’s closed bedroom door, Dean crossed his arms and shifted from one foot to the other.

“So, what’s up?” Dean asked as Cas sat on his bed. Dean slipped his jacket off and hung it on the back of Cas’s desk chair.

“I know you’re going through a lot and I want to help but I can’t,” Cas said, eyes glued to the floor. “I can’t be the tool you use to figure out you were straight the whole time and throw me aside after you had your fun.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Dean asked in disbelief. “I’m worried you’ll toss me aside after a while. You’re the one with all the past lovers, remember?” 

“Fair but remember I told you I just wanted you? I wasn’t lying,” Cas defended, eyes finally meeting Dean’s.

Dean blushed a little and rubbed at the back of his neck. Cas had a knowing smirk but stayed quiet.

“When you told me to Google pansexual, I learned a lot about sexuality. And something called a Kinsey scale?” Dean changed the subject instead of admitting he only wanted Cas, too.

“I’ve heard of it,” Cas said.

“Okay, cool,” Dean said, hoping that made everything easier. “I’m bisexual. No doubt.”

“What if you change your mind?” Cas asked.

“As someone attracted to multiple genders himself, don’t you find that dismissive of my sexuality? As if you figure I’ll end up straight after everything is said and done?” Dean said, proud of his newfound knowledge.

“I’ve gone through this too many times,” Cas said with a heavy sigh, “with too many guys who ended up breaking my heart when they dive back into the closet.”

“Look, I’m not going to do that,” Dean said, “but why can’t just we know?”

“I’ve heard that before,” Cas whispered, Dean almost missing it.

The pain was clear in his small voice and Dean didn’t know how to make it up to him. He wasn’t any of those guys and he didn’t want to be. The problem was convincing Cas. 

“I worked out some shit on my own and figured out I’m bi!” Dean tried changing tactics.

“So?” Cas said with a bored looking shrug.

“What do you mean ‘so’?” Dean snapped.

“I could have told you that you were bi,” Cas said with an eyeroll.

“Really,” Dean said.

“Yeah,” Cas said, “since you kissed me the first time and I’m glad you’re discovering yourself and your long-repressed love of dick but it’s not my problem.”

“Why are you being like this?” Dean asked, shocked at how callous Cas was.

“Like what?” Cas said, sounding bored. “We’re not dating so I’m not your shoulder to cry on.”

“You could be a friend,” Dean fumed.

Cas laughed humorlessly, and it sounded harsh and cold, startling Dean. It was nothing like his usual laugh.

“I want more than that,” Cas said.

Dean watched Cas’s face fall and finally understood how much he had hurt him by refusing to be with him. Cas wanted to take Dean, boring and long closeted Dean, on an honest to goodness date and Dean had been a dick.

“I’m trying here, honestly I am,” Dean tried. “Can’t we…”

“I’m not trying,” Cas said, raising his voice. “not if you’re ashamed to be seen with me. My family might hate who I am, but I don’t. And my friends are right, I deserve to be with someone who is proud of me.”

“Your friends?” Dean asked, panic rising in his chest.

“They knew I’m into someone who isn’t as sure as I am, I didn’t say your name so you can relax,” Cas explained.

“I didn’t…”

“Whatever.”

He sat up straighter on his bed and met Dean’s eyes with fierce determination.

“Cas,” Dean said softly, seeing past the strong outside. He had to have been hurt bad in the past to be this guarded.

“Dean, I like you, I do,” Cas started, “I just don’t think I’m strong enough to…”

“What?” Dean asked. 

“Never mind,” Cas said. 

“My dad…” Dean started. He had an educated and valid argument about internalized homophobia and unlearning it to be comfortable with himself before bringing someone else in when Cas interrupted.

“Stop using your father as an excuse,” Cas snapped. “We can fuck, since that’s the only thing you ever want, or you can go.”

Dean blinked a couple of times, processing what Cas said. 

“Those are our two options?” Dean asked.

Cas stood and walked over to be an inch away from Dean who felt his body react immediately. His dick twitched as he looked at Cas’s lips, heart sped up as he looked up into Cas’s always black lined eyes.

“Those are our two options,” Cas repeated as a statement.

He palmed Dean’s hardening cock over his jeans, eliciting a groan. 

“Cas,” Dean said, reaching out to steady himself and grabbing Cas’s shoulders.

“Yes?” Cas asked innocently, hand still stroking.

“More,” Dean managed in a breathy whisper.

He was desperate for Cas to show him all he knew, wanted to feel him and taste him. Maybe talking was too difficult but Dean could do this.

Cas purposefully undid the button of Dean’s jeans, slid the zipper down, and looked at Dean who nodded before moving on. Cas eased Dean’s jeans and briefs down to his knees. While maintaining a heated gaze, Cas sunk to his knees, kissing up Dean’s thighs. He got dangerously close to Dean’s cock, making him catch his breath watching Cas carefully kiss everywhere he could reach that wasn’t where Dean really wanted.

“Oh God, please, Cas,” Dean pleaded. “Want to feel your mouth, please.”

Finally, Cas licked up the underside of Dean’s dick whose knees buckled from the amazing feeling.

Cas looked up with a smirk.

“You good?” he teased, clearly confident in his skills.

“I’d be better if you sucked my dick,” Dean admitted without thinking. 

Cas let out a dark laugh.

“Cheeky,” he said, lightly swatting the back of Dean’s thigh near to his ass and making him jump.

“Please,” Dean begged.

Cas eagerly got to work, licking up the underside again before sucking around the tip. He worked more and more in past his sinfully pink lips with every bob of his head.

“Oh shit, Cas,” Dean let out, “fuck, your mouth feels so good, please don’t stop. More, please.”

Cas moved his head with more determination, already getting Dean close to the edge.

“Mm gonna, fuck, gonna come, Cas, want to,” Dean managed, breath in short huffs.

Cas stopped and slowly slid his mouth off of Dean’s cock. He stood and faced Dean with an easygoing smile like he didn’t care how he left Dean near coming and ready to explode.

“Cas,” Dean begged, “what the hell?”

The words didn’t have much bite since Dean was pretty out of breath.

“I’m not done with you yet,” Cas said.

Dean was shoved back and fell on the bed, practically tripping since his jeans had fallen around his ankles.

“Dude, what the hell?” Dean asked again.

Cas was over him in a second, kissing him hard. Dean thought about where his mouth had just been, but Cas kissed so damn well he didn’t really care.

“Fuck,” Dean said, eyes squeezed shut when they broke the kiss.

He let Cas get his shoes, socks, pants and boxers off while removing his shirts. Suddenly, Dean was completely naked, and Cas still had all his clothes on, a hard on clear in his tight black jeans. 

“No fair,” Dean protested weakly.

Cas lowered himself flush against Dean, hands roaming over his stomach and chest and tweaking his nipples.

“Shit,” Dean hissed.

“You don’t like that?” Cas asked.

“No, I like it more than I thought I would,” Dean admitted.

Cas raised his eyebrows before laughing, a soft and kind one Dean really enjoyed. It made him feel even more at ease and he pulled Cas down into a kiss. He put as much into it as he could and was pretty pleased with himself when Cas had to separate from the kiss and mumble ‘shit,’ to himself.

They kept making out, both extremely hard and Dean near coming almost the whole time, and Cas still in his clothes. His hand reached down to wrap around Dean’s dick, gave a few easy tugs as his other hand tangled tightly in Dean’s hair. Dean ran his hands down Cas’s back, grabbed Cas’s ass to pull him closer before reaching a hand down to stroke Cas over his jeans.

Dean jolted as Cas’s hand wandered and a finger rubbed over his hole.

“Shit, sorry, sorry,” Cas said, pulling away. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, it’s okay,” Dean said, yanking Cas back in, “I was just surprised.”

He liked how it felt, weird for sure but not bad. Logically, that was the next step and Cas did say they could fuck, or Dean could leave. He wanted to make it up to Cas for hurting him and keeping him a secret. But more than that, he wanted to feel Cas inside him, had to know how good the legendary Cas really was. Cas who said things that a useless guy like Dean didn’t deserve to hear. Dean wanted to give him everything, to show he felt the same way in the best way he knew how.

“We should...” Dean tried. “I want to…”

“What?” Cas asked, eyes wide.

“I want you to fuck me,” Dean said before he could change his mind.

Cas looked down and seemed to consider Dean like he was a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces he hadn’t placed yet.

“You’re sure?” Cas asked, not seeming to be convinced.

“Yes,” Dean said with all the confidence he could muster. “I’ve never wanted anyone so bad, I need to feel you, please. Want you to fill me and fuck me, want to feel you for days. I want you to fuck me, please, Cas, fuck me.”

Cas let out a deep groan and Dean could feel Cas’s dick twitch where it was pressed against his thigh.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear,” Cas whispered.

He hopped away from Dean to grab the lube and a condom. 

“God, you’re beautiful you know that, right?” Cas said as he finally stripped. “Better than any drug I’ve tried.”

Dean laughed. 

“That’s a compliment?” Dean teased.

“Yes,” Cas said, crawling back over Dean and grinding their naked erections together.

They moaned and moved together, hands spreading a little pre-come to ease the glide before Cas told Dean to flip over.

“I want to see you, when you fuck me, okay?” Dean said, his face pressed into a pillow.

“Oh God, yes,” Cas agreed. “I want that so bad, baby.”

Dean looked over his shoulder as he raised his hips in the air. He felt exposed with his ass in the air and his hole ready to be fucked but he trusted Cas.

“I’m good,” Dean encouraged. “Please, Cas.”

Cas wasted no more time coating a finger in lube and pressed it against Dean’s hole, letting him adjust before leisurely entering Dean up to the first knuckle.

“Still good?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, it’s just different,” Dean said, “not bad, just different. Keep going. Please.”

Cas eased his finger in further and worked it in and out before deciding to add a second lubed up finger. He patiently worked Dean open, adding a third finger and making Dean a whining, begging mess. Dean’s neglected cock leaked pre-come under him and he had been so close to coming for so long, he needed release.

“Please, Cas, I’m ready,” Dean implored. “Fuck me, fuck me now.”

“Shit,” Cas let out in a short breath.

Cas flipped Dean over onto his back in a show of strength that made Dean let out a desperate whine. Cas quickly turned it into a kiss while pushing Dean’s legs apart and his knees towards his chest.

“Fuck, Cas, I’m ready, please, I need to come,” Dean groaned. “Want to come on your cock, please.”

Cas lined up his cock, put a generous amount of lube over the condom, and caught Dean’s eyes who nodded before Cas slid in torturously slow. 

Dean moaned, loud, as Cas entered him. The pressure was different than his fingers but felt great once the initial hint of pain faded. Cas filled Dean as much as he could and let out a shuddering breath.

“You feel so good, Dean,” Cas said, eyes drooping close in pleasure.

“Believe me, that’s mutual, but please move, fuck me,” Dean begged.

Cas eased out and back in, steady and gentle, before gradually building up to a tempo Dean liked. 

“Yes, yes, oh fuck, yes, Cas don’t stop,” Dean yelled, taking advantage of the hopefully still empty house.

Cas snapped his hips harder and soon began to falter as he got close.

“Can you come on just my cock?” Cas asked.

He shifted his angle to really pound Dean’s prostate who shouted Cas’s name and agreed he absolutely could, needed to show Cas how he felt by coming for him. Words might fail him but this he could do.

Dean kissed Cas as his rhythm grew more erratic. Cas whispered how amazing Dean was in his ear, pounding into his ass as he did, and Dean’s orgasm surprised them both as he was suddenly coming. Hot, white spurts covered Dean’s chest, and Cas’s when leaned down over Dean. 

“Dean,” Cas cried out, filling the condom as he fucked Dean.

He gave a few more thrusts on their way down from the high before he let out a soft laugh, collapsing next to Dean.

“What?” Dean said as he couldn’t help but laugh too. He was just glad Cas hadn’t kicked him out because of their fight.

“You’re just amazing, that’s all,” Cas said, still a little out of breath.

“Well, you’re not too bad yourself,” Dean answered.

He kissed Cas softly. Dean stretched and got under blankets as Cas went to get a towel to clean them up and throw out the condom.

Cas still had a smile on his face as he climbed under the covers and pulled Dean close, face-to-face. Dean had to kiss Cas’s lips, they were too pink and delicious not to.

“I’m serious, that was amazing and so are you,” Cas said. “I didn’t expect you to…”

“You texted me to come over, you expected something,” Dean said and was surprised to see he actually got Cas to blush and allowed himself a smirk. He hadn’t expected to bottom so soon, either.

“Not _that_ ,” Cas admitted, “but holy shit.”

Dean kissed Cas again, sweet and not leading anywhere. They lazily made out for a little longer before Dean broke the kiss to lean his forehead against Cas’s. The entire time Dean had been in Cas’s room had felt like their own little world, even the arguing, and he didn’t want to ever leave. He just wanted to stay in Cas’s bed, in his arms.

“We could just stay here,” Dean said with a sigh. “Just us.”

“No school, no food, no friends,” Cas said, cracking a smile. “Just us.”

“Sounds awesome,” Dean said. “Only us. I wish it could be like that. Like only we knew.”

Dean spoke out of a post-orgasm haze and didn’t realize he took their fantasy and turned it back into their earlier fight until Cas jumped out of bed.

“What?” Dean asked, praying anything else was wrong than what he said.

“There it is again,” Cas said, gesturing at Dean while standing naked next to the bed.

Naked Cas distracted Dean from the fight who stared while he tried to remember what went wrong.

“You still want us to be a secret,” Cas exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest, dick still visible and Dean’s focus.

“I…”

“Dean, seriously,” Cas snapped, and Dean looked up. “What is your problem?”

Dean sat up a little further to look Cas in the eyes better. 

“Plenty of people do the friends with benefits thing, what’s the big deal?” Dean downplayed.

“Friends with benefits?” Cas scoffed. “What exactly is the benefit of you using me?”

“Using you?” Dean replied, getting up to finally stand across the bed from Cas.

“Yeah, you use me for sex but the second I want something more real, you run. You’re scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Dean answered.

He shifted from one foot to the other and rubbed the back of his neck, knowing how it gave away his words as a lie. 

“You are,” Cas continued. “Anyone else, I could do the no-strings-attached thing with. But you?”

Cas let out a short, harsh laugh and looked away.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, confused.

Cas looked up at the ceiling before tossing his hands up in the air, as if defeated but Dean didn’t know by what. When Cas met his eye, tears threatened to spill out. 

“I mean,” Cas said slowly, keeping his voice even, “that after our first time together, I was ruined for anyone else. I want you and you can’t give me what I need. I want a real relationship for the first time in I don’t even know how long. Maybe ever.”

“What the hell is so special about me?” Dean asked, not getting why Cas couldn’t move on if Dean had hurt him so much already and probably would again.

“How do you not know how amazing you are?” Cas asked, voice much softer than before. “You’re smart and you work damn hard at school. You care so much about your family and friends. I know you would do anything for them.”

“I mean, yeah I guess,” Dean managed, rubbing the back of his neck again. He never took compliments well because he didn’t believe them, but Cas seemed to mean it. The words plus being naked left Dean feeling pretty exposed.

“And what we just did? You’re so incredibly sexy when you’re under me…”

“Oh, you like ‘em obedient, huh?” Dean interrupted, turning it around before Cas kept praising him with words he didn’t deserve by a longshot. “I’m not yours because I let you fuck me.”

A look of hurt passed over Cas’s face before it turned angry.

“Wow, okay, that’s not what I meant,” Cas tried to explain. “Don’t freak out on me. I’ve bottomed before, it’s not a big deal.”

“It was a big deal to me!” Dean yelled.

“Don’t get mad at me! You’re the one who was begging to have his ass fucked!” Cas yelled back.

“I don’t need this shit,” Dean said.

He grabbed his shirts and boxers and started to put them on. It didn’t matter that Cas was right, Dean couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be what Cas needed.

“Then go!” Cas shouted. “Fuck off.”

Dean yanked his jeans on and picked up his socks, shoes and jacket.

He walked out of Cas’s room without a backwards glance and brushed past one of Cas’s roommates who must have come home while they were fighting. Dean’s blood ran cold, but he didn’t stop walking. It didn’t matter who saw anyways, Cas would never want to talk to him again. He got to the front door, put his socks, shoes and jacket on and left. 

It wasn’t even a full block before Dean felt tears start to fall. 

They could have had a serious relationship if Dean wasn’t a colossal idiot. He let Cas get close and had sex with him when Dean wasn’t ready for anything real. 

_Maybe you are_ , Dean thought.

As he walked, tears still blurring his vision, he pictured going on a date with Cas, really pictured it. 

Cas would drive up to his dorm in the silly old Lincoln Continental he mentioned before that he drove out of some sense of pride in the clunker and Dean would grin because Cas would look good driving it. There would be dinner and handholding and he could get a chance to ask Cas all about himself. So much about Cas was still a mystery and Dean would never get to unravel it. 

_Fuck_ , Dean thought. He royally screwed up.

Another thing he screwed up was lying to his brother and friends. If he had any hopes of winning Cas back, he would need their help. For that, they had to learn the truth.

Dean sat on a bench, shivering a little in the cold, and called Sam.

“Dean, hey!” Sam answered. “What’s going on?”

He couldn’t help but grin at the cheerful sound of his younger brother’s voice. Dean wiped some tears off his cheeks before he replied.

“Hiya, Sammy,” Dean said. “How’s school?”

Sam went off on an excited rant about his science fair project and his partner Jessica, a new student he really liked.

“That’s really great, Sam,” Dean said sincerely.

He let a pause go back as he mustered up the courage to say what he called to say.

“There’s actually something I called to tell you,” Dean said.

“Okay,” Sam said slowly. “You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“It’s just,” Dean said, running a hand over his face. “I’m bisexual, man.”

“Oh, thank God,” Sam said.

“Thank God?” Dean asked, surprised to say the least that his brother responded that way.

“You were acting like something was wrong like you were dropping out or knocked someone up. This is so much less shocking.”

“Seriously?”

“Dude, we watched Star Wars and Dr. Sexy together,” Sam said. “You clearly had a thing for Han Solo and the doc.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Dean conceded the point. “And you’re not mad?”

“Mad?” Sam asked. “No, of course not. Maybe mad you didn’t tell me sooner but it’s something you have to do at your own speed. You’re my brother and I love you.”

“All right, too sappy,” Dean said with a laugh. "But there is someone I met, a guy, but I messed it up."

"Just apologize," Sam said.

"It's not that easy," Dean tried.

"Don't be patronizing like I'm just a kid..."

"You are," Dean argued.

"I'm still right," Sam continued. "Start there and if it's meant to work out, your apology will be just the beginning. I can't wait to meet the guy that finally dragged you out of the closet."

"Haha," Dean said, rolling his eyes even though Sam couldn't see it. “You're a pain but I love you, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

They said a more heartfelt goodbye and hung up. Next, Dean texted Charlie and Benny to meet him and Victor in their room.

Dean was pacing when they all knocked on the door.

“Hey,” he said, letting them in.

They let the door swing shut and then stared at Dean expectantly.

“Okay, so,” Dean started. “I have to tell you guys something.”

He began pacing again and his three friends shared a look.

“Spit it out, brother,” Benny said.

Dean took a deep breath. On the exhale, he rushed the whole story together.

“I’m bisexual and fooled around with Cas but he wanted to be official and go on dates and stuff but I blew him off and really hurt him, but I really want to go on a date with him, please help me,” Dean managed in one breath.

“Oh,” Charlie said with a wide smile before pulling him into a hug.

Victor and Benny joined the hug too, and Dean fought back tears. He had hoped they would be cool but damn it felt good to feel the love from his closest friends. The weight of the world was off his shoulders by admitting who he really was. This was being out and honest and it felt stupendous. He let out a shuddering breath and enjoyed the moment, one he would cherish forever.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Victor asked.

“It’s a fairly new discovery,” Dean said with a shrug. “And I wasn’t sure how this would go.”

“I mean I’m gay and they’re cool with it,” Charlie said to nods from Victor and Benny.

“True but I thought it might be different since I’m a dude and live with one of you,” Dean admitted, eyes down and scratching the back of his neck.

“Hey man,” Victor said, hand clapping Dean’s shoulder. “I knew and didn’t care.”

“Same, brother,” Benny said.

“You knew?” Dean asked, eyes going between the two of them in shock. It was similar reactions from Cas and Sam, and he didn’t know how he didn’t figure it out about himself sooner.

“Come on, when you met Benny? You drooled a little,” Charlie teased.

Benny and Victor laughed as Dean felt his cheeks flush. He remembered it was the same day he first saw Cas and that was the real reason for the alleged drooling.

“And there were a few times you thought I was already asleep and taking care of, uh, you know, you time, and definitely said Cas’s name,” Victor said.

There were more laughs as Dean felt his eyes go wide and his blush get impossibly deeper.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Dean said, covering his face.

“It’s cool, man,” Victor said, lightly hitting Dean’s arm.

“You could have told us,” Benny said. “You’re like family to us and we support you. What held you back?”

“I was coming to terms with it myself and you guys didn’t seem to really like Cas,” Dean admitted.

“Maybe we just don’t know him like you do,” Charlie said with a shrug.

“We definitely don’t,” Benny joked with a wink.

That got Dean to nudge him with his shoulder, smiling as their friends laughed.

The laughter died down and Dean frowned.

“I need your help, guys,” Dean said. “I have to do something, something big, to win him back. I like him so much and I really fucked up.”

“What did you have in mind?” Charlie asked.

The four of them brainstormed and by dinner time, they had a plan. Dean would be able to give Cas the date he deserved or could at least apologize for everything he did wrong.


	5. First Date

The next day, Charlie texted Dean that she saw Cas in the library and their plan was in motion. 

Dean’s stomach cramped up with nerves like it did the first time he went over to Cas’s house knowing they would be alone. The last thing he wanted was to make it worse with Cas, but he needed to try to apologize and he wanted to. Cas deserved an apology and that was more important than Dean’s fear.

He walked to the library before he could chicken out.

Cas and his friends were at their usual table in the middle of the first floor. The group was laughing, except for Cas, but they stopped when they saw Dean approach. Cas’s eyes narrowed briefly before he looked away.

“What do you want?” the one who saw him in the hallway of the house said.

“Dean, Gabriel, Gabriel, Dean,” Cas introduced half-heartedly, not quite meeting Dean’s eyes.

“I get that you all hate me, and I get why,” Dean started. “If anyone hurt one of my friends the way I hurt Cas, I would want to rip their throat out. But I came here to give Cas the apology he deserves and to show him I’m proud of who he is and proud of who I am, too.”

Gabriel seemed confused, as did Cas. The blonde guy in the v-neck looked bored but the two girls seemed interested.

“Everybody!” Dean yelled to get everyone’s attention. “My name is Dean Winchester and I am a proud bisexual.”

Some in the library cheered but most kept studying. A few laughed like it was a hazing or a prank. Maybe it was laughter in a mean way, but Dean didn’t care. He needed to show Cas he was serious.

Cas’s eyes were wide, and Dean appreciated that he took him by surprise since it was usually the other way around. 

“I am very into this man here, Cas Novak, and I owe him a date!” Dean yelled.

Dean watched Cas, expression unreadable now, as he stood up. He walked around the table to face Dean.

“Why should I?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“I’m a dumbass,” Dean said, soft enough now for just Cas to hear. “I should have admitted a long time ago that I want this. I want to go on a date where everyone can see, where I can hold your hand across the table and make everyone sick with how cute we are. I want _you_ , damn it.”

“Almost there, Winchester,” Cas said, looking smug. “Try groveling.”

Dean remembered what Cas said before about groveling and dropped to his knees. He figured it was the least he could do and continued to speak. There were some murmurs from the other students at the poor idiot begging on his knees, but Dean ignored them.

“I know I hurt you and you have no reason to trust me. I just need you to know I’m sorry and I do really want to go on a date with you. Many of them. What do you say? Please?”

Cas seemed to consider Dean carefully, eyeing him up and down. He smiled the super gentle smile Dean only saw in Cas’s bedroom, Dean’s favorite smile, before he answered.

“Yeah, all right,” Cas said, sounding like it was no big deal but Dean knew this meant more to him than he let on. “Get up, you’re turning me on like this.”

Dean jumped to his feet.

“Come here,” Dean said.

He pulled Cas into a kiss, deep and full of all the things he still hadn’t said but felt, and all the regret for the mistakes he made. But he also tried to put in the hope he felt for their future.

A throat clearing next to them broke them apart. It was a faculty member who invited Dean to leave for the day since he caused such a commotion.

Dean left to some scattered applause from his fellow students while most were happy to get back studying. He looked back and saw Cas sitting at his table, smiling wide and giving him a shy wave. Dean couldn’t wait until their date.

 

In the library’s lobby, Dean’s friends waited for him. He knew they saw the whole thing, so Dean didn’t say anything to mess with them.

“Well?” Charlie asked, eyes expectant and wide.

“Oh right,” Dean said, looking at their curious faces. “It went great! He agreed to go on a date with my sorry ass.”

“Yay!” Charlie squealed. 

They pulled him in for a suffocating group hug.

“Thank you, guys,” Dean said. “For everything.”

“Of course, brother,” Benny said.

“That’s what friends are for,” Victor agreed.

 

They got their date on the last night before everyone was going home for Thanksgiving break. Cas drove, in his old Lincoln Continental, since the car Dean loved so much was at home with his dad. 

“Are you freaking out?” Cas asked, holding Dean’s hand as he drove.

“I thought I would be,” Dean said, loving how honest he could be, “but I’ve been more excited than anything all day. I changed my shirt like three times while Skyping my brother, Sam.”

Maybe he was being too honest for the last part, but it got a laugh from Cas who admired the green Henley shirt he wore under a leather jacket.

“You look great,” Cas said.

Dean blushed just a little and Cas squeezed his hand as they parked.

“You do, too,” Dean returned the compliment. Cas had a black long sleeve shirt with dark jeans and Dean could tell he had tried to comb his wild hair. The usual lip stud was in place and he seemed as confident as ever.

The restaurant Cas chose was close enough to campus that many students went to it on dates or to celebrate birthdays. It was nice enough for college kids but was basically a cheaper Olive Garden, not that Dean cared. He was just happy to be anywhere on a date with Cas.

Cas walked with Dean to their table with a hand on his lower back, and they passed many classmates. Dean didn’t realize how many faces he would actually recognize. If they hadn’t heard about Dean’s outburst in the library, this would definitely let everyone know Dean and the illustrious Cas were a thing.

One student Dean could have gone without seeing was Meg from his philosophy class and her smug look. He didn’t need the I-told-you-so bit from her.

“You okay?” Cas asked, taking Dean’s hand across the table.

“Yeah,” Dean said, smiling. “I’m great.”

It was easy to forget their fellow students with Cas holding his hand and making sure he was doing all right. Nothing else seemed to really matter.

“So, Dean,” Cas started. “Ask away.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, sipping on his water.

“You don’t know that much about me,” Cas pointed out. “What would you like to know?”

There was a pause while they ordered an appetizer and Dean thought hard about what to ask. The first thing he could think of was Cas’s real age since he didn’t even know what year in school he was.

“How old are you?” Dean asked.

Cas laughed.

“I forget people don’t even know that,” Cas said. “I’m twenty.”

“Junior?”

“Yup.”

“Why all the mystery?” Dean had to know.

“It started freshman year, I told a bunch of people different names for myself and I just always liked people guessing about me and it kind of spiraled from there,” Cas explained. Dean could understand the draw of keeping secrets.

They kept getting to know the little things, mostly Dean asking Cas, as they ate the appetizer. Cas had a big, complicated family that he seemed happy to have some distance from. Dean noticed that Cas only asked about Sam and not his parents. That was probably best since Cas knew enough about Dean’s dad and Dean didn’t like to talk about his mother. The conversation turned to their respective groups of friends, Cas’s sounded like a handful, and then to school.

“Why philosophy?” Dean asked. “It’s just a lot of people thinking about people.”

“Exactly,” Cas answered without answering, grinning in a way that made Dean’s heart speed up. “It’s fascinating to think about the inherent nature of people on a large scale. It really connects everybody when you think of how similar everyone really is at their core.”

Dean agreed with Cas’s take on philosophy but definitely enjoyed how much Cas was into it rather than the subject itself.

“You’re still undecided?” Cas asked after they ordered entrees.

Dean still had the last bite of their appetizer in his mouth and just nodded.

“Still want to do what you dad thinks you should do?”

Being such a tricky topic, Dean almost brushed it off, but he felt safe with Cas and knew he could be open.

“No, but I still don’t know what I want to do,” Dean admitted.

“I know what I want to do,” Cas said with a smirk, eyeing Dean up and down.

“Later,” Dean said as he winked, unable to stop the blush warming his cheeks despite his cocky response.

Cas laughed loudly enough to turn some heads and Dean’s heart soared at the sound.

“Aren’t you getting bold?” Cas teased.

“Learned it from you,” Dean shot back playfully.

They ordered and continued to chat about music and TV and anything else they could think of. There were some differences but more similarities in taste than Dean would have guessed. When the bill came, Dean insisted on paying.

“Come on, I owe you,” Dean reminded Cas. “Plus, I asked you.”

“I asked first,” Cas replied.

Dean laughed.

“I know, and I should have agreed,” Dean answered. “Then, you could be paying.”

“Next time, then.”

Dean felt butterflies pleasantly flutter around his stomach at the thought of another date. The sincere look on Cas’s face would have been enough to excite him but the promise of doing this all again was amazing.

They walked out of the restaurant holding hands and a group of five guys who looked like they spent more time at the gym than studying headed into the restaurant. Dean held in his panic since he was still trying to prove he was proud of himself and being with Cas.

“Faggots,” one muttered as he passed.

The asshole who said it wasn’t brave enough to say it loudly, but they heard it anyways.

“What did you say?” Dean snapped, causing them all to turn around. He could feel Cas tense next to him and squeeze his hand.

“You heard me,” the tough guy who said it answered.

“Why don’t you mind your damn business?” Dean said.

“And why don’t you homos go where no one has to see you?” another asshole chimed in.

“We were on our way to do just that,” Cas added calmly. “Bye now.”

“Cocksuckers,” another one fired.

Cas let out a heavy sigh.

“Yes, we are,” Cas said. “And luckily for me, I can give or get a better blowjob than you will ever receive in your life.”

“Whatever,” the first dick said. “Just fuck off.”

“You know, in my experience, those who are so scared of same-sex attraction are repressing homosexual tendencies of their own,” Cas retorted.

He laughed as they guy lunged, but his friends held him back.

“Let’s go, babe,” Cas said, practically dragging Dean to his car.

They were quiet for a moment inside as Cas started the car with a shaky hand. Cas let out a shuddering breath and Dean noticed his brave face had been replaced by a terrified one.

“Why did you let them get to you?” Cas asked. “Idiots like that are never worth it.”

“I don’t know, I just…” Dean started before rubbing at the back of his neck. “I think I’m scared that’s how my Dad will react, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stand up to him. But I wasn’t worried about those guys.”

“I was,” Cas said softly.

“Why?”

“There was five of them and only two of us!” Cas argued. “What if they didn’t hold that one guy back? What if they joined in?”

Dean didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything as Cas drove out of the parking lot. The thought didn’t cross his mind.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Dean,” Cas said quietly. “You mean too much to me.”

“You mean a lot to me, too,” Dean said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, we’re okay,” Cas said, grabbing Dean’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“How did you stay so calm?” Dean asked.

“I’ve been out for four years,” Cas said with a shrug. “I’m used to it. At least they didn’t hit us.”

“That’s terrible!” Dean said.

Of course, he knew homophobia still existed, but the violence attached to it had only been in the back of his mind when he came out.

“Have you… did anyone…”

“A few times in high school,” Cas said. “Nothing too bad, mostly just shoves into lockers.”

Dean felt anger welling up at the thought of anyone hurting Cas. He understood Cas’s cool demeanor better now and knew he was trying to diffuse the situation from escalating.

“I wish…” Dean said, trailing off.

He wished Cas had never been hurt. That his family accepted him. He wished guys like the ones at the restaurant weren’t so hateful.

“Yeah,” Cas said, turning to look at Dean. “Me too.”

They drove quietly back to Cas’s house, Dean’s mind still on worrying about what Cas had gone through and hoping he would never have to again.

“Hey, I’m not sleeping with you after only the first date,” Dean protested as they parked at Cas’s house. “I have standards, you know.”

Cas tilted his head to the side and wrinkled his eyebrows. When Dean couldn’t hold his laugh in anymore, Cas joined in.

“I was just going to suggest a drink,” Cas said, feigning innocence and overdramatically batting his eyelashes.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean said, rolling his eyes as they walked into the house.

“Come on, it was such a good date,” Cas started. “I don’t want it to end.”

“It was still a good date, even with…?”

“I’m not letting those assholes ruin our first date,” Cas said fiercely. “As far as I’m concerned, they weren’t there.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed. “Good first date it was.”

“And it can get better,” Cas said with a wink.

“I knew you were trying to take advantage of me.”

“Can you blame me?” Cas said, playful tone turning sexy.

Cas pulled Dean in for a kiss, chaste at first but getting more intense and Dean reciprocated with the same amount of passion. Dean had lost count of how many times they had kissed and each one seemed to be better than the last.

“We should take this upstairs before I rip your clothes off and bend you over this couch,” Cas growled as he kissed along Dean’s jaw.

“We’ll save that for another time,” Dean suggested, mentally remembering to let Cas do that, before taking Cas’s hand and pulling him up the stairs, drinks forgotten.

They shut Cas’s door behind them and immediately started taking off their clothes. Dean didn’t know what was taking so long and were clothes always this annoying and in the way? He needed Cas naked and in him, needed it more than air.

Even though they agreed to forget about the assholes from earlier, Dean did remember Cas mentioning he could give or get a better blowjob than they would ever have. Dean knew Cas was a pro at sucking dick, but Dean hadn’t tried it. They stood there, both finally naked, catching their breath.

Without a word, Dean sank to his knees in front of Cas. He kissed up his thighs and looked up at Cas whose mouth was agape.

“Is this about what…” Cas began. “You don’t ha…ahhh.”

He trailed off as Dean closed his mouth around the tip of Cas’s dick and slid down eagerly. A little too eagerly it turned out as Dean choked when the tip was at the back of his throat.

“Okay, woah,” Cas said, gently stroking Dean’s hair. “Not gonna lie, I’m excited for this but I don’t you want you to hate it than it’s no fun for me. If you’re serious about trying it, let me guide you.”

Dean nodded. This was one of the first fantasies he had of Cas, being on his knees in front of him, but the real thing was much better.

Cas told Dean to go slowly, as much as he could take at a time, and to just relax his jaw. Dean took the advice and felt Cas getting harder in his mouth. He worked up to taking more and more until Cas was about to come and told Dean to stop.

“Wow, hold on,” Cas said, hand running through Dean’s hair. “Shit, you are a fast learner.”

Dean smirked at that and accepted Cas’s outstretched hand to help him stand.

“Another time, I want to finish in your mouth but right now, I need to fuck you,” Cas said, still a little out of breath.

“Yes, please,” Dean said, voice practically a whine. He definitely wanted that another time but Cas fucking him sounded better in the moment.

“You’re not going to freak out if you bottom again?” Cas asked, hand caressing Dean’s cheek.

“No, I’m good,” Dean said, kissing Cas quickly. “I love your cock in me.”

“Well, that works well for both of us,” Cas said with a teasing roll of his eyes. 

“Yeah, so hurry up,” Dean said, giving Cas an easy shove backwards.

“All right, why don’t you lay on the bed and look pretty while I get some lube?” Cas asked.

“I can do that,” Dean said, laying down and getting very comfy.

“Damn, you look good,” Cas said, easing onto the bed next to him.

Cas started prepping Dean, who let the compliment slide by, while slowly pumping Dean’s dick. Dean could still feel how hard Cas was against his leg.

“Come on, more,” Dean insisted, dropping his head back on the pillow. He had been sure the last time, but he desperately needed Cas in him, fucking him, more than before.

“Okay, okay,” Cas said, adding another finger. “I got you.”

Cas made sure Dean was still doing okay, which he very much was, before putting on a condom and slicking his cock in lube.

He slid into Dean gently, bottoming out as Dean groaned.

“Been hoping we could do this again, you feel so good,” Dean said, hands trailing over every inch of Cas he could reach.

Cas kissed him sweetly.

“Let me take care of you, make it really good,” Cas said softly.

Dean nodded but Cas narrowed his eyes.

“Yes, yes, please,” Dean said.

He knew Cas liked verbal confirmation to make sure Dean was comfortable, which he appreciated, but he also wondered if it had to something to do with hearing Dean beg. Cas still hadn’t moved so he’d thought he’d test his theory.

“Please, I need you,” Dean begged, watching Cas’s mouth drop open a little and eyes darken. “Need you to move, want to come for you. Please, Cas, move. Make me scream your name.”

Cas groaned before finally, _finally_ , moving and fucking Dean.

“That’s no fair,” Cas said. “You know I can’t resist your sexy begging.”

“I know,” Dean said with a smirk, grabbing Cas’s ass to make him move faster.

Cas sped up but not enough for Dean who begged him to go faster.

“Nope,” Cas said, kissing Dean’s nose while still moving inside of Dean.

The movements were just enough to keep Dean hard, building slowly towards the edge. Cas kept a steady pace, barely hitting Dean’s prostate every thrust and Dean needed more. His orgasm was just out of reach, if only Cas would move a little faster.

Cas sped up a fraction and leaned in towards Dean to whisper in his ear about how good he was and how sexy, what he would do the next time they had sex…

The words got Dean going and he was so close, begging Cas to touch him.

Cas reached between them and stroked Dean until he came with a sigh of Cas’s name. A few more thrusts and Cas came inside Dean.

“Fuck,” Dean said as Cas rolled off of him to throw out the condom and to get a towel for Dean.

“What?” Cas asked, wiping Dean off and then curling around him under the sheets.

“That was so good,” Dean said, blissed out in Cas’s arms.

“Didn’t I tell you I would take care of you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said with a goofy smile on his face. “You did.”

Cas snuggled Dean closer.

“Good night, love.”

Dean knew he wasn’t saying he loved him but just hearing the big “L” word sent his heart fluttering. After a date connecting on more than just a physical level, Dean could easily see himself falling for Cas. 

“Night, babe,” Dean answered.

 

This time, when Dean woke up next to Cas, he didn’t run away. He watched him sleep until he slowly stirred.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean said, kissing Cas briefly. “Sleep well?”

“Very,” Cas said. “Great sex always knocks me out.”

“It was great,” Dean agreed, nuzzling against Cas.

They stayed snuggled as Cas spoke.

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve done, sex-wise, before you were with me?” he asked.

Dean felt his cheeks heat up. He had a very specific story he never told anyone and didn’t think he ever would. 

“Well, that’s random,” Dean deflected.

“Come on,” Cas insisted. “You had to have tried something besides vanilla…”

“Panties.”

“What?”

“I’m not saying anything else.”

That led to an all-out tickle fight which Cas won before Dean spilled the details of his one night with Rhonda Hurley who made him try on her pink, satin-y, panties. They had felt great and he always wondered what it would feel like to wear some again.

“Wow,” Cas admitted. “Did not expect that. We are putting you in a pair and soon.”

Dean’s blush hadn’t gone away during the whole conversation and now it felt permanent. He definitely wasn’t against the idea of showing off in a pair for Cas.

“What about you?” Dean asked. “Craziest sex?”

“Where to begin? Public sex, threesomes, light bondage…” Cas started listing.

“Never mind,” Dean said quickly. He didn’t want to feel so naïve next to Cas or to remember he had been with so many partners before.

“But, none of them were you,” Cas said, immediately reassuring Dean.

They made out a little before Dean remembered his dad was picking him up later.

“Do you have to go home today, too?” Dean asked.

“Unfortunately,” Cas said with a groan.

“I think…”

“What?” 

“I think I have to tell my dad,” Dean said. “I have to tell him everything.”

There was a pause. Dean wished he could have longer without his dad knowing, but it was time. Whatever he and Cas were deserved to be out and proud. Cas was amazing and Dean wasn’t keeping him a secret any longer, from anyone, prejudice and hatefulness be damned.

“Shit,” Cas replied, eyes wide. “That will make Thanksgiving interesting.”

“We only have a few family members over, family friends really,” Dean said, trailing off. “They’ll probably react better than my dad, maybe help him see reason.”

“What are you going to call me?” Cas asked.

“What do you mean?” Dean replied.

“I mean, are you telling your family you have a fuck buddy or a sexy TA or…”

“Or a boyfriend?” Dean wondered hopefully.

“Really?” 

“Yeah, if you want to be, I mean…” Dean said in a nervous rush.

Cas gave him a quick kiss.

“I’d like that,” Cas answered with a huge grin. “I’ve never had one of those, not officially.”

“Me neither,” Dean said with a laugh. “We’ll make it up as we go.”

Dean kissed his boyfriend passionately and traced up and down his side with his fingertips to make Cas shiver just a little.

“Do you want me to blow off my family and come with?” Cas asked when they broke apart.

Dean smiled.

“Thanks, but I don’t want you to be there if my dad blows up,” Dean said. “He drinks and I don’t know what will happen.”

“Will he hurt you?” Cas asked, stroking Dean’s cheek.

“No, no,” Dean said, grabbing Cas’s hand against his cheek. “Kick me out, maybe, but not hurt me. And I’ll make Sam is around when he does it, he dotes on the kid.”

“Okay,” Cas said, closing his eyes tight. “Text me right before and right after so I know you’re safe?”

“I will.”

They stayed in bed until the last possible second before needing to get up. It didn’t go further than making out, but it was comforting to be held and to feel happy in Cas’s arms. All too soon, it was time to go.

Dean said good-bye to Cas and hurried back to his dorm and threw some clothes in a bag. His dad was going to be there any minute and Dean paced nervously until he texted he was there.

The car ride was mostly silence with a few small talk questions about Dean’s grades and classes which was fine by Dean. He still had to find the words to tell his father he was seeing a guy. Dean Winchester had a boyfriend. The thought made him smile but he let it fade when he remembered his dad sitting next to him.

Sam was ecstatic to see Dean once they got home, flying into a hug that had Dean stumbling back a couple steps.

“Missed you too, dude,” Dean said, ruffling Sam’s too long hair. “How ya been, Sammy?”

“Sam, you know it’s Sam,” Sam insisted, carrying Dean’s bag into the house.

“All right, Sammy,” Dean said, following his brother inside. He tossed his bag down and started a heated game of Mario Kart with Sam while telling him his plan to come out.

 

On Thanksgiving, Dean texted Cas all day as he helped Pamela make dinner. For a blind woman, she could seriously cook. Her, Bobby and Rufus were the family friends that always showed up for holidays and were basically family. Talking to Cas gave Dean confidence. If he could come out in high school while still depending on his strict and overbearing parents for everything, Dean could come out as an independent adult.

Dean texted Cas that he was about to do it and he sent back a string of supportive emoji’s featuring a lot of the thumbs up one.

Sam, as he did every year, had everyone go around the table and say what they were thankful for. He had a long list from school to his new friend Jess and then passed it on. Bobby gave a gruff one-word answer of ‘family,’ Rufus mentioned his Jewish faith and John said, ‘Jack Daniels,’ but Bobby glared at him until he mumbled something about his boys and family coming over and a nice meal.

Everyone turned to look at Dean.

“Oh, what to say that hasn’t been said,” Dean started, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “The usual stuff, family and the friends I made at school. My boyfriend, this meal, the scholarship I have…sums it up. Let’s eat!”

He started to dig in but looked up when it sounded like he was the only one.

“What?” he asked through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Sam was grinning, and Bobby seemed pleased but curious. Rufus was hard to read and then there was John. He seemed confused more than anything.

“You’re gay?” he asked.

“Uh, no,” Dean said, “I’m bisexual.”

“There’s no such thing,” John argued. “That’s made up.”

“And yet, here I sit, a bisexual,” Dean argued back, shocking himself since he never talked to his father that way in his life.

“Is this boyfriend where you got this new attitude from?” John asked.

Dean just glared at his father, not wanting to admit the attitude was always there and Cas just taught him more self-respect and self-love, so he didn’t take shit anymore.

“If this is what college did to you, maybe you’re not going back,” John stated.

“I was always bi, and I have a full scholarship,” Dean countered. “You can’t stop me.”

The two continued to glare, the rest of the table following the exchange nervously.

“Oh, let him be, it’s Thanksgiving, dammit,” Bobby chimed in. “Can we just eat?”

No one said a word, so they ate. Silently at first but then Sam got the conversation rolling again about something unrelated to Dean’s sexuality and new boyfriend. He shot a quick text to Cas letting him know it went okay so far and that he would call him later. Cas sent back a smiley face.

Sam and Rufus were on clean-up and Dean didn’t know where to go to avoid his father. John found him and told him to grab his coat. Dean did as he was told and followed his dad outside.

Out by the garage, John pulled out two folding lawn chairs and two beers from the garage’s min-fridge.

“Sit,” he said.

Dean did and accepted the beer.

“So, you were always into guys?” John asked.

Dean nodded.

“I guess it was always sort of obvious now that you say it,” John admitted. “Harrison Ford? You were obsessed.”

Dean had to laugh.

“That’s what Sam said when I told him.”

They had a few moments of silence to drink their beers in the cold, fall night.

“I can’t say I’m okay with this but I’m not saying I won’t ever be,” John said, maybe the most honest thing Dean had ever heard him say. “I just need time but you’re my son and I…”

Dean fought back tears. He hadn’t seen his father so emotional since his mom died.

“I want you to be happy,” John continued. “Your mom, if she were here, would be better with this but she would also want you to be happy. If this guy you’re with makes you happy, then I can try. I can try.”

“Works for me,” Dean said, keeping his answer simple so he didn’t cry.

In a million years, Dean never would have expected his dad to be as understanding as he was. Sure, it wasn’t rainbows and hugs and an invite to the nearest Pride Parade, but it was John Winchester. The ex-Marine was tough and old-fashioned. It would be an adjustment for him just like it had been for Dean.

They finished their beers and went back inside.

“Everything okay?” Pamela asked after John had gone to bed.

Her and Bobby looked worried, but Dean told them it was going to be fine. They wrapped him in a hug.

“We love you, Dean,” Pamela said.

“Ow,” Bobby added as Pamela elbowed him. “Yeah, of course we do, I didn’t think we both had to say it!”

They laughed and separated the hug.

Dean called Cas briefly, who definitely had a far worse Thanksgiving, and told him it went much better than he thought. Cas said he was happy for him and then had to go as some family member continued to try to talk to him about sinning and Jesus.

Dean went to his room after saying good-bye to Pamela, Bobby and Rufus.

“Well?” Sam asked from his bed.

“You should be sleeping,” Dean answered, flopping onto his own bed.

“Whatever,” Sam brushed off. “Is everything good with dad?”

“He’ll come around,” Dean said.

“That’s good!” Sam said.

“It is,” Dean agreed. “It definitely is.”


	6. End of the Year

Dean and Cas settled into an easy routine when they came back from Thanksgiving. It involved a lot of time at Cas’s house but also time getting to know the other ones’ friends. Charlie admitted that Cas, while rough around the edges, was perfect for Dean and she admitted she had been wrong about him earlier in the year. Victor and Benny were slower to warm up to him, but they were getting there.

Cas’s friends, mostly Gabriel, were less accepting of Dean. He and the blonde in V-necks, Balthazar, liked to tell Dean he was a little nerd which he brushed off pretty easily. The girls, Anna and Rachel, seemed fine with Dean. Anna seemed a little too into Dean, but Cas just said she was a natural flirt.

When Christmas time came around, finals had kicked both of their asses and they were ready for a break. Dean had gotten an A on his philosophy final with Cas’s help studying. Dean knew it was a legitimate A since Cas told Dr. Mills he couldn’t grade it on account of their relationship. 

For his hard work and good grade, Cas rewarded Dean with a rushed handjob in the bathroom of the library. It was almost impossible to stay quiet, so Cas had to cover his mouth with his hand which just made it hotter and he came quickly after that.

Dean got an A in Dr. Harvelle’s class too, but that was mostly because he was scared to let her down.

Overall, Dean’s grades were good enough to keep his scholarship. Cas had good grades and Dean was convinced pretending to not care about his grades was part of Cas’s façade he showed the rest of the world. Dean made sure to tell him how smart and awesome he was every chance he got.

“Okay, so am I coming over for Christmas or not?” Cas asked. “I don’t want to see my family for longer than necessary so if I can crash with you for a bit, I would love it.”

“Yes, yes you can,” Dean agreed as they walked around the nearest mall Christmas shopping. “My dad is curious to meet the guy who turned his son gay, his words, and Sam already thinks you’re the greatest.”

“Smart kid,” Cas joked.

They kept shopping and called it a day when their arms were getting incredibly sore from their bags. 

A few days later, it was Christmas break.

Cas drove his Lincoln Continental with Dean comfortably in the front seat back to Dean’s place for the first part of vacation. Cas was a little less enthusiastic about Dean going to meet the Novaks for the second part of break.

John and Cas meeting was only a little icy, Cas not liking the homophobia Dean had been fearing that had kept him in the closet and John not liking Cas magically turning Dean into a queer. (Again, his words.)

The whole situation was helped with Sam who took to Cas in an instant.

“My brother never stops talking about you,” Sam pointed out. “You must be pretty great.”

“I am,” Cas said with a wink.

Dean wasn’t the only one who brought a date for Christmas. Somehow, Bobby met Ellen Harvelle, Dean’s professor, and they immediately hit it off and so she was there with her daughter, Jo. However they met, Dean guessed a dating site, they were an excellent fit and cracked everybody up with their old-married-couple bickering.

Rufus and Pamela showed up, too, with Rufus complaining that no one got him a Hanukah gift.

Cas got along well with everyone, even after he accidentally hit Pamela in the eyes during a rowdy game of Twister. They switched to Charades after that. John kept quiet, minding his business and steadily drinking. Dean was grateful he hadn’t caused a scene.

For presents, Dean had gotten Cas his signature black eyeliner and a new philosophy book an author he loved had published. Cas got Dean a green sweater that very nearly matched his eyes and a promise for the rest of the present later. Of course, that turned out to be new panties Dean eagerly modeled for Cas when everyone was asleep.

The day after Christmas, Dean and Cas were set to drive to Cas’s place. John pulled Cas aside and they spoke before they hit the road.

“What was that about?” Dean had to ask as they drove.

“He, uh, apologized if he seemed cold,” Cas said. “He wanted me to know that he’s trying to accept the whole situation and he appreciates that I’m always there for you when he can’t be. He thanked me for taking good of you. And told me not to tell you any of this.”

Dean laughed and brushed away a tear he didn’t realize had fallen.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” Dean joked.

Cas’s family was not nearly as welcoming. They made up a separate guest room for Dean that Cas snuck into every night anyways and whispered absolute filth in Dean’s ear as he  
fucked him to make up for the hate spewed by his family.

Back for second semester, their old routine continued. Dean and Cas decided to rent an apartment for the next school year and Dean was strongly considering majoring in education. Cas was supportive with every major Dean brought up, but they both seemed to agree education made sense for him.

By the end of the school year, with a summer apart looming, Dean and Cas had plans for one to visit the other at least every other weekend.

The first “I love you,” came from Dean. It was the day they were both moving home in Dean’s dorm room and Dean had misplaced his phone charger. As Dean looked around, without having to say a word, Cas told him, ‘It’s in your backpack, side pocket.”

Dean checked and there it was. For someone to know him so completely, to accept everything about him and still care so much about him, Dean answered without a thought or regret.

“I love you,” Dean said.

Cas blinked a few times.

“That’s what got you to say it?” he teased. “I would have found something you lost a long time ago!”

Dean pulled Cas into a kiss, but Cas stopped after a moment.

“I love you, too,” he said.

They made-out until John interrupted, saying it was time to go.

Dean promised to visit soon, his turn was first, and said “I love you,” once more.

Cas said it back and then they headed home for the summer.

Freshman year was officially over and Dean Winchester was out, had a boyfriend he loved and a father who was coming around. One thing John was still hesitant about was Cas’s lip stud.

“Why does he have that?” John asked Dean. “What good is it?”

“It feels good when we kiss,” Dean answered without thinking. 

John learned not to ask as many questions after that.

Dean texted Cas as he went home.

 **Dean** : miss you already

 **World’s Sexiest T.A** : I have to change your name in my phone

 **Dean** : to what?

 **World’s Sexiest T.A.** : World’s Sexiest Sophomore

 **Dean** : what do i call you if you're not my TA anymore?

 **World's Sexiest T.A.** : world's sexiest top

 **Dean** : always the romantic, cas

 **World’s Sexiest Top** : you love it

 **Dean** : I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I have the same name on tumblr if you're interested and want to say hi!


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years after Dean graduates college, he and Cas go back for homecoming. Cas seems off the entire day and Dean finally asks him about what's on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to leave this alone but then I was bored at work and here's a bonus chapter!

“Why are we doing this again? We don’t like football. Or school spirit,” Dean complained as he drove. 

The interstate was boring with no scenery except cornfields and they had gotten an early start so Dean was grumpy.

“I know,” Cas agreed. “But it’s homecoming. It’s what people do.”

They were driving back to the college they graduated from, something they hadn’t done since Dean finished school, and Dean didn’t understand the draw. It was a good school and they had met each other there but it didn’t feel special enough to endure homecoming festivities.

“Not us,” Dean continued to gripe. “We don’t.”

“We don’t _usually_ ,” Cas said. “This year is special.”

“Why?” Dean asked, sparing a look over at his passenger.

“Because, uh, our friends. They’re going.”

Dean picked up on some nervousness from Cas but didn’t know where it was coming from. This whole trip had been his idea but maybe he had second thoughts.

“We always see Charlie and Gilda, Victor and Bela, Benny, your friends…”

“Anna, Gabe and Balth like you, too,” Cas interrupted.

“Okay, all our friends. Who we see all the time,” Dean argued.

“Just trust me, okay?” Cas said. “It’ll be fun. When have I ever been wrong?”

“When you said you didn’t like Dr. Sexy,” Dean grumbled, the insult to his favorite show still stinging a little.

“Pointing out a couple plot holes doesn’t mean I don’t like it,” Cas said, taking one of Dean’s hands in his own to kiss a knuckle. “And I still think making me sleep on the couch and saying I ruined the show for you was a bit harsh. And melodramatic.”

“It was both and I’ve apologized,” Dean tried. “I thought I made up for it with washing dishes and giving you blowjobs.”

“It was a very good apology,” Cas agreed with a smirk.

They continued to drive, Dean singing along to the radio and Cas holding Dean’s hand. He knew he was obnoxious when any of his favorite songs came on but Cas didn’t seem to mind.

Once they were back on campus and drove around, they realized not much had changed. The two of them hadn’t changed much either. Cas still had his blue-tipped hair, eyeliner and piercings and Dean had on his usual Henley shirt. 

But, also, a lot had changed. Dean was an elementary school teacher and Cas was getting a doctorate degree in philosophy. Since their college didn’t have a program for it, Cas had to move to start pursuing it and they spent two years apart while Dean finished his education degree. He considered transferring to be with Cas but Cas convinced him that he already loved his teachers and the program he was in. The distance was near impossible but they made it through and Dean moved in with Cas as soon as he graduated and starting teaching the following fall.

Now, they were back where it all started, three years after Dean graduated.

“There’s the café you first started drooling over me,” Cas pointed out with an irresistible smirk. 

“Well, you asked Charlie about me not to long after so clearly you started drooling, too,” Dean teased.

Cas laughed.

“You’re very right,” he said.

They drove to their hotel to check in and drop off their bags before going back for the game. Dean and Cas went to a couple games when they went to the school but usually got distracted and handsy under their shared blanket.

Their seats were in the same row as all their friends. Charlie and Gilda, Victor and Bela, Benny and Andrea, Gabriel, Anna, Balthazar, everyone they regularly saw for game nights and out for drinks. There wasn’t much catching up to do since they saw each other often, but they did reminisce on their time at the school.

Once the game once done and a lot of the “remember-when’s” had been shared, the group went for dinner. Cas suggested the Italian place where they had their first date. Dean shared a look with Cas who shrugged.

“Sappy little romantic,” Dean said, kissing Cas.

“Get a room,” Anna and Charlie said at the same time.

They all laughed before heading to their cars to drive over.

“So, our first date spot, huh?” Dean asked, looking over at Cas as he drove.

“Yeah,” Cas said, shifting in his seat. “Thought it would be, you know, nice.”

Dean felt Cas’s nervousness again. He almost asked him about it but decided not to. If something was wrong, Cas would tell him. He trusted him.

All through dinner, though, the nervousness seemed to get worse. Cas was quieter than usual, especially since they were with their friends when he was normally his most exuberant. Dean didn’t know what the problem was. Maybe Cas was having doubts about them.

They had been dating for seven years and lived together and maybe Cas didn’t feel the same as he used to and didn’t know how to say it. The thought was so crushing to Dean that he had to excuse himself to the bathroom to catch his breath.

They closed the restaurant out at about ten and all called it a night. Everyone was crashing at a hotel somewhere and driving home the next day so the goodbyes were only until the next get-together they had.

“Okay,” Dean started as they drove. “Go ahead.”

“What?” Cas asked. “What do you mean?”

He had clearly been spacing out and Dean had interrupted whatever thoughts he was having.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” Dean said. “You’ve been distracted all night.”

They were driving through campus, lit up and beautiful at night.

“Pull over,” Cas said. “Let’s talk a walk.”

Dean parked and they got out to walk through the campus’s main quad. If he thought he was freaking out before, he was wrong. Now he was royally freaking out.

“I know you’re freaking out,” Cas said, smug as hell as he took Dean’s hand.

Dean opened his mouth to argue but knew there was no point. Cas had always been able to read him and know what he was thinking so he didn’t bother lying.

“Trust me,” Cas said and Dean relaxed a little. That reminder that he could trust Cas, of course he could, was enough to calm him down so he could breathe normally.

They walked up to the library and Cas glanced around before picking the lock and letting them inside.

Dean couldn’t help but smile as they snuck in. He followed Cas over to the tables.

“Didn’t know I had a criminal for a boyfriend,” Dean poked fun, nudging Cas with his shoulder. “Little felon.”

“Makes you an accomplice, babe,” Cas teased back.

“I’ll only go down _on_ you, not _for_ you,” Dean said with a grin.

“Cheeky,” Cas said with a returned grin and shoulder nudge.

They looked around the library and Dean thought about the times he stared at Cas before they started dating.

“You know,” Cas said. “You can’t be compelled to testify against a spouse.”

“We’re not married, sweetheart,” Dean said, not really thinking about what Cas said while still caught up in his thoughts as he looked around.

“What if we were?”

Dean turned around and found Cas down on one knee, holding a solid, silver ring.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, eyes wide.

All of his calm was out the window. He had worried Cas was breaking up with him and he didn’t expect this, such a huge step. 

Cas seemed to hesitate at Dean’s reaction but composed himself. He knew Dean had always been the more cautious one in their relationship but that didn’t mean he didn’t know Dean loved him just as much.

“I’ve loved you since the day you made a fool of yourself in this very library,” Cas started.

“Fool is a little harsh,” Dean interrupted.

Cas raised one pierced eyebrow.

“Fine, a fool,” Dean admitted with his hands up. “Please continue.”

“That day, I knew I loved you,” Cas continued. “I knew you were finally serious enough about us to do something big about it, to fight for me. For us.”

He took a deep shuddering breath like he might cry and Dean was already there. A couple tears had slipped down his cheeks as Cas spoke.

“And then we actually said we loved each other,” Cas went on, “and graduated and made it through distance and work and we have a place and have grown so much. We’ve built something special, a life together. A life I want to keep building with you. What do you say, Dean? Will you marry me?”

“Of course, oh my God, of course!” Dean exclaimed. “Now, get up, you’re turning me on like that.”

Dean pulled Cas up to kiss him.

“There’s that attitude I love,” Cas said, foreheads resting together. “Didn’t I tell you you could trust me?”

“I do, of course I do,” Dean said.

“Save that for the wedding,” Cas replied before kissing Dean again.

Dean kissed him long enough to show how serious he was about his answer of yes and how much he looked forward to a life together.

“You know,” Dean began when they broke apart, “you’ll have to change my name in your phone to World’s Sexiest Fiancé.”

Cas laughed.

“I already did.”

“How’d you know I’d say yes?” Dean joked.

Cas just gave him a look and Dean laughed.

“Let’s go back to the hotel and celebrate our engagement,” Dean suggested.

“You read my mind.”

They walked out of the library holding hands, ready for the future.


End file.
